You can help!

Have you current or past experience of consanguinamory? If so, how would you feel about sharing your story with the world? I am not speaking of merely sending me a textual account of what happened, this time it is much more. I am asking if you’d like your story to be heard by a multinational audience. Your details and identity will be kept in the strictest of confidence.

Our good friend and ally, Kirok, has asked me to make this appeal on his behalf, as he wishes to make a presentation on the subject to give this issue more publicity. if we ever want to gain acceptance, sometimes, we must take risks. Now. I am personally willing to take that risk, and so, I have volunteered to partake in his project. If his budget allows him and his team to travel to the UK, I am willing to be interviewed by them.

My point is, we must have courage the stand up for what is right. If we don’t stand up and be counted anonymously, how the hell do we hope to gain our very birthright… to be what we are without discrimination against us? Sure, you’re frightened, we all are, but without standing up to that fear, it’s source will not disappear. We can, and we must take part in projects just like this one.

Our battle is not going to be either quick or easy, but hearts and minds can and will be changed by our words. Our love, and our morality as human beings will be demonstrated by our willingness to show them to others. It is impossible this way for us to be dehumanized and tossed aside as we have been for centuries. If we are to pave the way for the next generations of consangs, then it is our rightful place to set the first stones.

The movement is bigger than me or you, but it begins with each of us having the courage to stand up and be counted, and right now we have only each other and our allies to rely upon. Please, make the right choice for all consangs.

If you wish to contact Kirok, you may do so at:  kirok411@protonmail.com

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The line was never more clear

As I sit here reflecting on what has transpired these last few days, an experience which left me feeling emotionally drained and more than a little disturbed, I thought it important to share with you all what exactly has made me feel this way. The line has never been more clear, the line between right and wrong that is.

You see, a short time ago, I was contacted by an active pedophile, one who was, and presumably is still molesting his 7 year old niece. Consider this a trigger warning, because the e-mails I recieved are quite unpleasant and are copied and pasted below, I would advise you to skip them if you’re likely to suffer emotional distress as a result of reading them. Part of me really hopes I have been well and truly trolled, or that this whole exercise was some test by some intelligence agency, but I don’t feel that this was the case. I think he was the genuine article, sadly. He hoped to persuade me that pedos were also misunderstood victims of society, a belief which, as you all know, is completely baseless and obvious BS.

So, as I have shared them on our forum, I will share the e-mail exchange with the world. I want to show you how these people think, how they justify it to themselves. Just as importantly, I wish to show non-consangs the clear and obvious distinction between consangs and pedophiles. For far too long we’ve been treated and regarded as the same as people who betray children in the worst way imaginable. We can be, and should be valuable allies in putting a stop to child abuse worldwide, and this can only be made possible by legalizing incest so that we can play a more active role in child protection.

The e-mail exchange:

John wrote:

I saw that u are using protonmail, which makes me more comfortable sending this to u directly. I also LOVE incest… this little girl is my 7yo niece. -John

He had included 3 images, and for obvious reasons I did not open them. I wrote him back:

I am not even going to open these images, she is 7! You disgust me, and you’re an insult to all people who fall in love with their ADULT relatives. I want all consenting adults to have equality, but for perverts like you who abuse and molest little children? hell no, I hope she reports your abuse to the authorities and to her parents. How dare you even contact me and send me child porn, you disgusting waste of life! Take your pedophilia somewhere else, preferably shove it up your own arse and die. Now fuck off and do not contact me again.

He wrote:

Shove it up my own arse? Sounds like u opened the pictures. Can u tell me… did u at least like what u saw? And before u pass judgement… the first time I made her cum was at 5yo. Yes it’s possible and yes she loved it.

At this point I began hoping that this was troll, after all, we all know that children can’t have an orgasm, as I pointed out in my next message:

No. I did not open them, I didn’t have to, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what you stand for, and no, people can’t get orgasms until they’re pubescent at the very least (and even then it should be by mastubration or at the very least by exploration with another person around the same age group, not by some sicko abusing them), it’s biologically not possible for a prepubescent to have an orgasm, their sexual organs are not mature enough for that function yet. You’re fucking abusing your neice you sick fuck! I tell you what, I hope to God you get found out, and her parents discover what you’re doing to her, she has no say in it does she. She doesn’t want to disappoint her uncle, you’ve probably terrified her about being taken away if she tells. You probaby have the confidence of your sibling whose child you’re abusing, they have no idea what you’re doing. How would you feel as a small child who doesn’t understand what’s happening to have a trusted adult fiddling with your private parts? You disgust me on so many levels. Judge you? Yes, I judge you, I judge you as a morally bankrupt individual who has convinced himself that his victim wants the abuse. Do yourself and your neice a favour and get the fuck away from her. I support incest, but I do NOT support child abuse. Period.

I half wasn’t expecting a rely, but I got one:

What if I told u… u are wrong. A 5yo can cum and I have a video to prove it. Would that make u feel differently about this? Think about all the incest adult relationships facing society to judge them a certain way. Love can happen with kids also. It’s not abuse if we both enjoy it. I don’t force her. She is curious and always comes to me to play. I’m sure u already made up ur mind though… I’m terrible and I’m the devil. It isn’t like that at all. As I said… I have a video to disprove what u believe about biology. Question is… are u open minded enough to watch it?

I decided to take a different approach and curb the profanity, for no other reason than possibly to change his mind and get him to stop fiddling with his niece:

I have no interest in watching your sick CP video, a child has to be abused for it to even exist. Whether kids are able to orgasm or not isn’t the point (so no, such a video would NOT change my opinion), what what IS the point is that even if you aren’t physically forcing her, you’re still very much taking advantage of her, and that is abuse whether you want to believe it or not. You’re an adult, by default you’re in a position of authority over her, this makes meaningful consent impossible. Please reconsider what you’re doing for her sake. There is plenty of evidence of the psychological trauma caused by being molested as a child, if you have any doubt over what I’m saying to you, go read what survivors of childhood sexual abuse have to say and how it has impacted their lives. THAT is what you’re doing to your neice, even if it doesn’t seem that way to you right now. You have an illness, and you should be seeking treatment, a healthy adult does not view a child in any way sexual. The very thought of it disgusts me to the core. You know, there are many pedophiles who do seek treatment because they do not want to harm a child. I respect them more than I respect someone like you who has crossed the line. There is a whole world of difference between consensual adult incest and what you’re doing. Yes, people like me get discriminated against too, but it is because of misunderstanding and lack of education. BUT, we’re all adults going into these relationships, consent is possible between adult relatives as it is possible between any adults. Your niece CANNOT consent, she is much too young. That’s the difference here. Just think about what I’ve said, I am hoping that you seek help and leave that little girl alone.

It all fell on deaf ears, and what he said next floored me:

The video is with a girl and her mom, so chill out. What has u convinced that all sexual contact with a child is abuse? Just as u try to make society change their view about adult incest, u are here judging sex with the younger ones as being sick and twisted. Have u ever stopped to assume that maybe society is wrong about sex with kids? Yes some of it is abuse. Yes some of it is forced… but not all of it is either. Some of it is love and fun. And for the record, her mom is my sister and we have a hidden incest relationship. As I said… a video can change ur whole perspective on this, but it seems like u already have ur mind made up. I was hoping u would be more understanding. Sigh

The sister knew, and was involved with the abuser. I was enraged, and sent him one final message:

Hold up a minute… you’re telling me that you’re in a secret relationship with your sister, and that your sister KNOWS what you’re doing to your niece, and she doesn’t stop you? If so that is truly messed up. A mothers first instinct is to protect her children, and doing that comes before any other consideration, certainly she should be putting the welfare of her child before the relationship she has with you. This is what it means to be a good mother.

You asked me what gave me the idea that all pedophilia is abuse, and you pointed out that not all of it was forced… re-read my last message. I said that children were unable to give meaningful consent to adults because they rely on adults for their daily needs. The adult has FAR too much power over the child for it to be workable or healthy. The very BEST case scenario for pedophilia is the adult taking advantage and the child only realizes that later on.

What I am saying is not arbitrary, and believe me I do not write off any sexual expression lightly being a member of a misunderstood minority myself, but I have yet to see a single argument for pedophilia which holds any water whatsoever or addresses this enormous power differential. I support all expressions of sexuality between consenting adults (LGBT, Polyamory and Consanguinamory), but I cannot support pedophilia.

You know what else really gets my goat… when society mistakes people like me for people like you and thinks we’re the same thing. I am working towards freedom for my people, and one of the biggest objections we face is people thinking that incest is a code word for molesting kids, or that legalizing incest would make it easier for people to have inappropriate relationships with children. Why the hell do you think my community now uses the word ‘consanguinamory’ to describe incest relationships between consenting adults. It’s because we’re sick of being mistaken for people who abuse children.

You said you hoped I would be open minded… I am very open minded, but I cannot accept what you’re saying as true as it makes no sense. I believe that you believe you’re speaking the truth, because you’ve convinced yourself that what you’re doing is okay, perhaps it helps you to sleep at night to remain in self-induced delusion. But it is your neice who will pay the price of your delusion, and I am aghast that your sister allows it.

Since I sent this, I have not heard one word from him. I wonder why this might be? He knows I am right. Hopefully the jolt to his conscience will be sufficient for him to at least re-examine what he is doing to his niece.

Notice the sly attempt to compare what he is up to with our CONSENSUAL ADULT relationships. Notice how he has completely deluded himself and normalized what should never be accepted. This is a very common tactic with pedos, they know that they will never be accepted, and so they try to say that ‘we’re no different from x, y and z’. They tried it before with the gay rights movement, that’s why NAMBLA exists. And yes, they are and they will try to piggyback onto our movement by calling themselves ‘incestuous’. It is imperative that we do not allow such trickery to slip by unchallenged. Each time this is attempted, we must call them out on it, and point out that it is very clear that incest between consenting adults, and child molestation are two very different things and should be treated very differently. The former should not concern the law at all, the latter should carry a custodial sentence.

When the general public thinks about incest, they often imagine a scenario much like the one that this pedophile described, where an innocent child is being subjected to things that she or he should never have to see or do. I need the public to understand WE ARE A SEPARATE MINORITY, WE ARE NOT LIKE THIS GUY. WE STAND AGAINST CHILD ABUSE.

However, what we stand for is a clear distinction between right and wrong. We ONLY support rights for CONSENTING ADULTS. I want this to be made crystal clear, so that there can be no misunderstanding. We cannot win this war of words with our opponents without getting this simple message across to the world.

As much as this exchange of e-mails was deeply unpleasant, at least it’s given me the chance to show you all how these people think, and what we can do to combat them.

They lost their baby, now they’re on trial…

Well guys, today we’re going to examine yet another case of incestophobic abuse by the state. I’m sorry to say it makes a depressing read, but it’s necessary that the world becomes aware of exactly what the state is doing to our people when we’re caught, for something we shouldn’t even need to hide in the first place.

The article begins with this:

Investigators in Laurens County were looking into an alleged sexual abuse incident when they learned that Katlyn Edwards had given birth to a child after being impregnated by her biological father, James Travis Brown, the Laurens County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement.

Note that there was the AUTOMATIC assumption that there was sexual abuse taking place… just because they’re father and daughter. Such assumptions, although predictable, annoy me.

“During the investigation, we learned (Edwards and Brown) had been in a consensual relationship when she became pregnant,” the sheriff’s office said.

According to the sheriff’s office, both Edwards and Brown claimed their relationship was “consensual and mutual” during investigators’ interviews.

“Investigators also found other evidence to support their claim that the relationship was consensual,” the sheriff’s office said.

So, they both say it’s consensual, and the investigators found evidence to support that. So I think it’s safe to say that they were in a happy relationship. So… why is police time even being wasted by this? Don’t they have actual criminals to catch? Surely the resources spent on persecuting this innocent couple could have been better spent tracking down and arresting a child molester.

Edwards was arrested on Monday without incident and taken to the Laurens County detention center. She is not currently listed as being jailed.

Brown is incarcerated in another county on unrelated charges and will be transferred to Laurens County to face incest charges, the sheriff’s office said.

If she committed a crime in another county then certainly she should do her time for that crime, but charing her for having a consensual relationship with her dad is absurd.

The child died at a medical facility in Charleston, South Carolina, according to the statement.

This is certainly sad news for any couple… but to be persecuted as they are being alongside such a tremendous personal loss is about as cold as you can get. Imagine how this couple must be feeling, they’ve lost their baby and now they’re going to lose their freedom. Furthermore, if she is incarcerated in another county, at what point after the birth was this baby removed from it’s mother? Was the baby healthy at the time it was taken away? Notice that the article does begin to address these questions.

“It is beyond my comprehension how this could take place between a father and daughter,” Laurens County Sheriff Don Reynolds said. “At this time, I can’t confirm the baby died from complications related to incest, however we wonder if that’s the case. We are working with medical professionals and the Solicitors Office regarding that aspect of the investigation and will update everyone if there are any additional charges.”

It happens because when relatives both lack Westermarck Effect there is a possibility that mutual attraction can occur. It happened to me, and it continues to happen secretly to a rather large number of people. Parent/offspring attraction is nothing unusual, in fact, it’s quite normal for us. It may be beyond the imagination of this Sheriff, but it isn’t beyond everyones imagination.

They’re looking into the possibility that the death may be as a result of incest. Fair enough, but I’d bet that it will turn out to be sudden infant death syndrome, a rare but fatal condition which affects a small number of babies within their first few months of life for absolutely no reason. Again, most babies born of related parents are perfectly healthy, so while it’s good to see that they’re not jumping the gun, I’d be quite interested to know the cause of death.

In reality, whatever caused this little one to die, even if it IS defects due to incest, it still does not excuse the appalling behaviour of law enforcement! Putting this couple through a criminal trial for what ought not be a crime, all while they’re still grieving the loss of their baby! How disgusting and fucked up is that? If there is any crime here, it’s that committed by the state! Damn I feel angry reading about this!

You see, THIS is the kind of abuse our people are having to put up with, just because of what we are. It’s inexcusable, it’s intolerable, and it should not be permitted to continue. So while people in power sit around a table and talk about human rights, even lecturing entire countries on human rights… while all the time they violate our rights in their own back yards. Wouldn’t the West have much more leverage on the human rights of sexual minorities if it practiced what it preached, and gave equality to ALL consenting adults, and not just regular monogamous heterosexuals and homosexuals? It’s almost as if they’re saying ‘Yes, we believe in equality, but not you gross fuckers’. Really, equality is only equality if it is applied to ALL consenting adults, whether everyone approves or not.

Of course, if I hear any updates on this terrible situation, I’ll let you all know.

Ignoramuses on Tumblr

Oh Dear, we’ve got some hate going on at Keiths Tumblr, nothing we haven’t seen before mind you, but it will allow us to once more view the ridiculous mindset of our opposition.

It begins with this question:

Maybe you should give advice on how a person that hasnt had sex could actually find a boyfriend or girlfriend, instead of saying it’s not weird to ask your own parents that you want to lose your virginity to them. How are these people ever going to have normal relationships after that!?

This anonymous poster has absolutely no idea what he (or she) is talking about. First of all, consanguinamory IS normal. One in 50 people are consang, so it’s not exactly unusual. I think that the intent was to ask how anyone is supposed to have a regular relationship after having a consang one with ones parents. To answer this question we must take into consideration that persons orientation, where they lie on the scale. A full consang has no interest in sex with unrelated regulars, but a bisang could. It wouldn’t matter if they lost their virginity to a family member or not, their orientation would be the same regardless.

Just think about it, if somebody loses their virginity to a same sex partner, how are they ever going to have heterosexual relationships after? Answer: Only if they’re bisexual. Same argument, different orientation. Yes, THAT is how stupid the original question actually is, but lets explore some other brain breaking idiotic comments in there.

Huh I wonder why? It couldn’t be the fact that it’s absolutely disgusting and immoral.

If this person finds incest disgusting, fine, don’t do it…. but don’t expect every other person on the planet to feel the same disgust. Furthermore, consenting adults having a sexual relationship is in no way immoral, regardless of whether they’re related or not. Immoral acts are acts which cause tangeable harm, clearly no harm is being done when consenting adults have sex, therefore there is nothing immoral about it.

Preaching incest totally counts as harm to minors, right?

and the reply:

Yup!! Especially if he’s pardoning a parent raping their children in the name of “free love.” Or someone harming their younger siblings.

Nobody was advocating or even mentioned child rape. What part of consenting adults is so difficult for these people to grasp? Incest DOES NOT mean raping kiddies, it means a romantic and sexual relationship between ADULT persons who are close relatives. Way to go for how bigots make these ridiculous comments without bothering to actually read Keiths blog. Had they read it, they’d have understood what type of incest we’re advocating!

While this heated exchange of words isn’t nearly so nasty as some I’ve seen, it does go to show how these people think. They think that they’re right, they think that they’re doing the world a service by being a hater, but they’re so wrong.

If you feel disheartened by seeing this kind of thing, don’t let it get to you, these people don’t know what they’re talking about, they’re just repeating the same age old tired shit that ‘everyone knows’. We’ve got ways to go to combat incestophobia, but views as stupid as these cannot survive in the long term as information gets out.

A new work of fiction

Well guys, on a very positive note, I have been contacted by an author who has written a story about half-siblings who originally thought that they were cousins and then found out otherwise. The story is set in an American state where incest is punishable by life imprisonment even if the participants are consenting adults.

If you’re interested in supporting this author and reading her work, CLICK HERE to purchase 🙂 If you do read, don’t forget to leave a review for her on the above link!

The Consanguinamory Reproduction Study… The results are in!

Okay folks, as some of you likely remember I was running a study on consang reproduction, to determine the risks.

There were 133 respondents, 18 of which had to be eliminated from the study either because they had no children, or gave logically impossible answers. This leaves us with a sample size of 115 couples who between them had 226 children (136 Girls, 88 Boys, 1 Intersex and 1 Gender Undisclosed)

Sixteen of the couples who responded were themselves the result of a pregnancy between first degree relatives, and three were the result of cousin pregnancies.

22 Children were born prematurely, 18 were overdue, two pregnancies were aborted, and the remaining 184 were born ontime.

21 of the children suffered from an illness, 14 of which the participant specified as a ‘common illness’ These included allergies, asthma, autism. Four of the children suffered from illness or disability which the participant is certain is down to inbreeding, and five are unsure what caused the illness as it is uncommon.

16 children had learning disabilities (16/226 x100 = 7.1%), 9 of which were also specified as children suffering from an illness.

The total number of children with ANY problem at all is 21 + (16-9) = 28

This gives brings us to the overall illness and disability rate of : 28/226 x 100 = 12.4%

However, if we were to exclude children suffering from common illnesses (eg. asthma) and learning disabilities (eg. ADHD) which occur frequently in the children of regular couples, we get (28-14)/226 x 100 = 6.2%

If we include only the four children who we are absolutely certain suffered illness as a direct result of their parentage, we get 4/226 x 100 = 1.8%

Confounding factors:

  1. Is my sample size too small to take a true reading? It could be possible, 115 couples is not a very large sample, however, I believe it is sufficient to take a snapshot.

  2. It is possible that parents of children who are disabled due to inbreeding have not found their way to the community, and therefore my study? If so, this could be a biased sample.

  3. Is it possible that some mothers felt uncomfortable seeking adequate medical care during their pregnancy in case the parentage of the unborn child was discovered? This could have lead to more health problems for the mothers and children in question.
  4. Is it possible that mothers who are pregnant via consanguinamory take better care of themselves throughout their pregnancy to try to mitigate the believed extra risk associated? In my study: a. Only 16 (7.1%) did not eat a balanced and varied diet, b. 13 were exposed to a toxin of some kind during pregnancy (only 8 (8/226 x 100 = 3.5%) of which were tobacco, alcohol or recreational drugs, the remainder were environmental toxins and medications). This would indicate an overall careful attitude during the pregnancies.

2nd Generation inbreeding calculations

42 children were born from parents who were themselves conceived by related parents.

Of these children:

8 had a common illness

4 had learning disabilities, bringing the total to 12.

12/42 x 100 = 28.6%

The risk more than doubles for the second generation. This proves the theory correct that the risk increases with each subsequent generation of inbreeding. While nature allows for consang relationships and children to be born from them, it does not allow for many subsequent generations to practice inbreeding. It goes a way towards explaining the gene pool of Ancient Egypt, where up to one in 5 pregnancies was conceived via consanguinamory, and yet there was no mass disability… there was enough outbreeding to balance that and thus maintain the health of the gene pool. However the royal dynasties of that empire had to marry within the family for religious and political reasons, leading to inbreeding depression, disability and eventual sterility in the offspring.

Bottom line

The overall risk of a child being unhealthy in the first generation is 12.4%, in real terms a one in 8 chance. This may sound like terrible odds, but when you consider that this figure includes common chronic conditions which are also becoming increasingly prevant in the regular population also, and that when these conditions are excluded, and we include only uncommon problems (which are more likely to be expressed with two copies of the same defective gene), and problems we know for sure are a direct result of consang reproduction (only 1.8%), the ADDED risk is a mere 6.2%. Odds are strongly in your favour that nothing is going to go wrong as a direct result of consanguinamory, providing that your parents are not related.

The news is however not so great for those who are involved and wish to have a family whose parents were also close relatives. The risk is more than double for your prospective children than it was for you as generation one. Based on this I would advise against second generation inbreeding. That said, you can still have children, just not in the way you may have imagined. You have options such as using a sperm bank or surrogate. This way you get the best of both worlds, a safer way to have children.

I can’t tell anyone what to do, but what I can do is bring you the facts and trust that you now have the knowledge to do what is right for your circumstances. There has been very little research into the field of consang reproduction, professionals won’t touch the subject with a bargepole, and considering the illegality of incest in many places and the sensitivity of the subject, people will only come forward anonymously. What I have provided here is not absolute nor irrefutable,  it is simply one body of evidence which needs to be joined with several more bodies of evidence in the future. The figures I calculated may be approximate only due to the relatively small sample size, but they do give us the general idea.

As a final note, I would like to thank the couples who took part in the survey, you’ve done a great service to other consangs who are sitting there debating whether or not to have a child. The information you provided could help those couples to make the right choice for them.

Being on the scale and in a regular relationship.

It probably comes as no surprise to people here that many people who aren’t strictly regular are in, or have been in regular relationships. Yet the people this applies to are quite varied, some are only interested vaguely in one particular relative and are quite happily otherwise regular, others are full consangs pretending not to be in order to remain hidden, and others are in between, some are in a regular marriage. This essay exists to explore the unique trials of people on the scale and what issues they may face when they attempt regular relationship.

Regular-Flexibles

A regular-flexible, as someone who usually prefers to date outside the family will have the least problems in a regular relationship, no real surprises here. He or she may have a passing interest in one relative in particular, perhaps a sibling, parent, aunt or uncle, maybe a cousin, but their feelings will not often be strong enough to persue this, at least not strong enough to contemplate giving up a regular relationship they’re already in because they still have some Westermarck Effect, albeit weakly. Their just-off-regular status would be invisible to anyone but themselves usually, and would pose few problems for them in their dating and marriage to regulars. For all intents and purposes, they could pass for regular unless presented with circumstances in which consanguinamory would come to the foreground.

Regular-flexibes are able to meet the demands of regular relationships quite easily, they can form intimate bonds with people they only met weeks ago at a work gathering or on a night out at the pub, a feat quite impossible for somebody high on the scale. Consanguinamory will always remain a passing interest to the regular-flexible that doesn’t hold a strong disgust to them as it would a true regular. Many of them may think that they merely have a fantasy fetish and perhaps indulge in the copious amount of pornographic material on the subject without necessarily exploring the possibility seriously.

Bisangs

Bisangs are able to hold down regular relationships, many of them marry. They are able to have feelings for relatives and non-relatives in equal measure. That said, their couplings with regulars are not necessarily unproblematic. Unlike the Regular-Flexible, the true Bisang has no Westermarck whatsoever, and so any feelings that he or she has towards relatives will be amplified to the same degree as anyone higher on the scale. An unattached Bisang would have no problems with dating a relative, and no problems dating a regular.

That said, when a Bisang marries and settles down, he or she will often wonder ‘what if?’ and may wish to seek answers to this part of their sexuality. While some will, as regular-flexibles, be drawn to pornography and fantasies, others will want to have a more comprehensive overview of why they feel the way that they do, and so will seek genuine answers.

Usually, the Bisang is interested in at least one relative, and this is not a passing interest or just a sexual fantasy, but interested to the degree that they wished that they had a relationship with that relative, or wished it was possible at the very least. The older bisang may regret opportunities missed or consang relationships that didn’t go as expected, while the youth may simply worry about the possibility of getting found out and give themselves all the reasons under the sun why they should not persue it.

As the Bisang has the ability to form and keep regular relationships, even over long periods of time (at least one I know personally has been in a regular marriage for over 20 years!) It is understandable that many choose to find a mate outside their family and settle down. Let’s face it, it’s less problematic in the sense that they aren’t looking over their shoulders or constantly needing to hide. For many bisangs it must seem like a no-brainer. That said, such marriages are not without some complications, many bisangs are left with a longing for what the cannot have for whatever reasons, for some it was fear, for some it was that the object of their desires was already happily settled down or uninterested. Whatever the reason, the unrequited Bisang will often feel like they have missed out, while the requited one will either be happy in a consang relationship, or happy in a regular one while retaining fond memories of what has passed.

Consang-Flexibles

The consang-flexible can just about get by in a regular relationship, it is not their preference, but they can just about make it in regular dating with a lot of effort. They aren’t the type usually to play the field, and then when they do date regulars they often go for people who remind them of their relatives, or they may date others on the scale if they can find such a person online.

A consang-flexible will always feel like there is something missing in a regular relationship. They are capable of loving a regular, but not so easily as the bisang or regular-flexible, that person must be something special for such a bond to be created. The bond that the consang-flexible requires for them to function adequately in a regular relationship is actually quite similar to the double-love bond experienced by consangs, and so typically they must be able to relate to their regular lover in a family-like way. Undoubtedly, the consang-flexible can feel more than just friendship towards the regulars they date, but the feelings are rarely as strong as those they hold for much desired relatives.

It will come as no surprise as this has the potential to cause much problems in a regular relationship, the consang-flexible may appear distant, preoccupied and unattentive, even though that is not how they want to be.

Full Consangs

Full consangs sometimes go into dating because it’s expected of them, or in order to hide their true sexual identity. Unable to feel more than friendship for these sexual partners, they will experience a sense of isolation and loss, and the relationships will feel hollow and empty. The regulars they become involved with will often feel confused when their partner withdraws and becomes uninterested in sexual contact or otherwise maintaining the relationship. For this reason, such relationships do not often last for longer than a year or two, as there is only so long that we full consangs can maintain the facade.

The unrequited full consang who has not yet had contact with the community yet may not understand why all of his or her relationships are failing, why they always feel empty. They may believe that there is something wrong with them, especially when they have such strong feelings for certain relatives. Those of us who are requited however, we know what we are, and sometimes find ourselves dating regulars more to keep our orientation hidden. Either way, it leads to much confusion for the regulars involved, and for this reason it is something that from personal experience, I wouldn’t recommend.

Are you on the scale and in a regular relationship?

If you’re bisang or regular-flexible, this may not be a problem for you at all, many people in these categories can and do have lasting and loving relationships and marriages with regulars, so don’t panic! The bottom line is that you and your partner are truly happy and satisfied in the relationship, and if you are, then kudos to you 🙂 If you aren’t, then you have the same choice as anyone else in a struggling relationship, find a way to solve the problem to the satisfaction of both of you, or part ways as amicably as possible.

If you’re consang-flexible, then you’re likely to have experienced significant difficulties. While the issue is down to your orientation, it is very important that you do not blame yourself, it isn’t anyones fault, you didn’t ask to be as you are. Are you in love with the regular you’re with? If you are, then you’ve something to work with, especially if you’re able to relate to them in a family-like way, and well done if so 🙂 If you’re not, then I’d advise you to be honest with yourself and set that regular free to find someone who can give them what you can’t.

If you’re a full consang, my advice would be to stop pretending to be regular, you may be able to fool others for a time, but you can’t fool yourself, and in the end it will only cause pain for both yourself and the regulars you date. Believe me, it’s not a path you want to go down, I’ve been there, done that, and found out the hard way that it doesn’t work because it can’t work. This may sound harsh, but I wouldn’t be doing you any favours by avoiding the issue. It is better to be alone and true to yourself than equally alone with somebody you can never connect to on any level beyond friendship and having to pretend to be something you aren’t every day.

Should I tell the regular I’m dating that I’m on the scale?

I’d err on the side of caution here, find out their opinions on consanguinamory in general before announcing your sexual identity. You might want to look up some news stories where consenting adults have been prosecuted for incest and say that you don’t think they should have been dragged before the courts because they were consenting adults… and see what kind of response you get. Obviously make sure the story you pull out is a good one, like, mentioning the Pladls would be a bad choice for a start. If he or she reacts with disgust, then you know that it’s best to keep it to yourself, but if the reaction is positive then you might want to open up gradually. Of course, it’s entirely possible that you hit the jackpot and they reveal that they’re also on the scale to some degree, in which case you won’t have to lie to each other any more. Like I said, I understand the need for honesty in a relationship, but testing the waters before outing yourself is the most sensible thing to do, safety comes first.

I know my relative is on the scale because they’re my ex-partner, but they’re dating a regular now, does this mean that they won’t be happy?

It all depends on where they are on the scale, the lower they are, the greater their chances of a meaninful relationship and thus success. If they’re higher up, then the chances of it lasting are slim. Whatever happens, be supportive as a family member, and be a friend as an ex.

If you’re still in love with this person, then the above advice still applies, and if the relationship fails, then you should wait a respectable amount of time before attempting to renew ties. Let’s face it, if you’ve just broken up with somebody, the last thing on your mind in jumping straight into another relationship.

I’m a regular, and I think my partner might be on the scale… what should I do?

First of all, don’t panic. I know that the realization may be a bit of a shock to you, and you’re probably wondering what he or she is even doing with you if that’s the case, but as you realize if you’ve read this far, there are many points on the consanguinamory scale and that many of them do not mean that your partner would be incapable of a loving relationship with you.

If you know for sure that they’re on the scale, talk to them about it in a calm and nonjudgemental manner and see what they have to say. Your partner may not want to come forward and admit their orientation to you, probably because they are afraid of what you’re going to think of them and the assumptions that they fear you’re going to be making. You need to be reassuring and accepting in order for him or her to come out to you.

Should you discover that they’re a full consang, and that they are only able to feel friendship for you, then you should end the relationship calmly and reasonably. Let them know that this is not because you are rejecting what they are, but that because you cannot meet their needs any more than they can meet yours. It is very important that you do not place blame, it is nobody’s fault. I realize that you will be hurt by this, and it will be hard to accept, but this solution would be best for both of you.

If they’re lower on the scale, then the chances are that they love you. The question is, does it matter to you that they’re on the scale? It is like a heterosexual being involved with an opposite sex homoflexible, bisexual or heteroflexible, or a vanilla dating a BDSM enthusiast, or a mono dating a poly. If your partner loves you, does it matter to you that there is a different aspect to their sexuality that you may not fully get?

If you’re on the scale yourself, you will understand their needs by default, if you’re not, then I understand it can be hard to wrap your head around. The most important part is honesty and communication. As lovers, it is natural to share in each others sexual desires, it may help in some cases to spice things up in the bedroom by doing a bit of role playing, this may work a treat for someone low on the scale, but not necessarily for someone higher up.

Conclusion

Being on the scale and in a regular relationship can present many unique challenges, for your and your regular partner. While this can work for many of you, it cannot work for all of you, it depends entirely on where you are on the scale. My main advice would be to be true to yourself, because you will never be happy if you are not.

Incestophobia from other sexual minorities

It came to my attention this evening that our friend Keith had a particularly ignorant anonymous comment sent to him which I thought I’d weigh in on, click the link to read what he had to say about it on his tumblr. It reads as follows:

“You people are hurting the LGBT community by trying to be part of it. LGBT people have been through enough without weirdos that are attracted to minors and weirdos that say its ok for a mother (the woman that gave birth to you!) to f— their sons or daughters. Please do the LGBT community a favor and stop mentioning us as if we are the same as you creeps.”

First of all, nobody in our fledgeling movement is advocating for adults to be allowed to have sexual contact with minors, we find that every bit as appalling as the next person. The reasons for this are obvious: sex with minors is wrong because it causes harm, often devastating harm that can take the victim a lifetime to overcome. What we ARE advocating for is for all consenting adults (by this I mean two or more persons over the legal age of consent), whatever their individual orientations should be allowed to have the relationships of their choosing without interference from the law or anyone else. What part of consenting adults do people not understand? It’s not rocket science.

Second point, nobody has said that consang is the same thing as gay, they are two distinctly different types of orientation. Homosexuality is a preference for a partner of the same sex, Consanguinamory is a preference for a partner within ones family unit. Consangs may be straight, bisexual or gay (just like regulars), and homosexuals may be regular, bisang or consang (just like heterosexuals). Clearly these are two very different communities and nobody is trying to pretend otherwise.

What we ARE doing is showing that there are some stark similarities to how gays have been persecuted (both historically and in modern times in some countries), and how consangs are persecuted now. The LGBT community knows it’s own history, the struggle they went through to be recognized and respected. We’re barely off the starting block and we need allies who understand what this type of persecution is like. For this reason we reach out to the LGBT community with an offer of friendship and solidarity. We may not be the same as you, but we sure as hell have to put up with the same type of ignorance and moronic comments from joe public. Incestophobia is every bit as wrong as homophobia.

We’re also not trying to be a part of the LGBT community, we’re simply trying to be allies, we have our own separate movement and our arguments stand on their own. That said, we would welcome allies, including LGBT allies. It may also be worth mentioning that since some Consangs are also LGBT, it makes little sense for the LGBT community to shun them and label them as ‘creeps’. This overlap is something that the Consang community and the LGBT community can work together on, so that the people that both orientations apply to can feel welcomed by both communities and get the support that they need. Right now these people are welcomed with open arms by us, but they’re shunned by the wider LGBT community… that’s something that needs addressing by the leaders of the LGBT community.

I actually find it quite saddening that a member of the LGBT community has felt the need to post something like this, complete with ad-hominem style attacks. I hope this person comes to better understand us and our community, and realizes that we’re not a threat to his or her community.

This brings me to my third point: supporting consang rights will NOT harm other minority groups. If we are to argue that all consenting adults should have the same rights, then we can’t turn our back on each other just because we find another group distasteful. You see, we don’t have to necessarily agree with each others personal choices in order to support peoples basic rights, we simply have to believe in the principal that all consenting adults should have the same rights. Equality cannot be called equality unless it applies to everyone. What’s right for one person may be quite wrong for somebody else, and that’s okay, we’re all unique individuals trying to find our way in the world. Stand apart and attack each other and we stand in the way of equality for everyone. However, if we stand together, united we are all stronger, and we can change the world for the better. We need to be building bridges together and working together for the greater good, not launching textual missiles at each other.

So today, in the face of this hateful and ignorant comment, I once more call for solidarity with other minority groups. Be our allies as we will be yours.

Lets Celebrate Consanguinamory Day, April 28th

This year is historic for our community for a very special reason, it is the year that we celebrate Consanguinamory Day for the very first time! It is a day to be set aside especially to celebrate consang relationships and orientation.

The origins of this holiday are from our forum, Kindred Spirits, where we were discussing the idea of having something similar to Valentines day to call our very own. We discussed possible dates for this occasion, and then put it to the vote. While very few people actually voted, we believe that the poll did show a preference for 28th of April. The reason? Because it is symbolic of double love. Valentines day is celebrated on the 14th of the 2nd month, so we just doubled the numbers, which gives us 28th of the 4th month.

So, how do we celebrate this fine occasion? As I said, it’s very much like Valentines day, we can of course buy our loved ones the kind of things we usually would at that time, chocolates, booze and perfumes and the like, perhaps dining out, or a nice takeaway meal late at night. HOWEVER, I might make a small suggestion… if you’re going to buy flowers, how about choosing the one flower that most symbolizes our love, lillies. We are after all Friends of Lily, so it is most fitting. Even if you’re a single consang, you can still buy some lillies for the house to celebrate your sexual identity, I already did!

You know what’s even better? It’s a way to flaunt it innocently, people who are not in the know wouldn’t know what those lillies mean, they’d just think ‘oh, somebody’s gotten a nice bunch of flowers’, and might assume it’s a birthday or get well gift or something.

Finally, I’d like to wish all of you a happy Consang Day! Stay happy, stay strong, and celebrate your love in style! From this year forth, let every 28th April be celebrated in this way. It’s high time we begun celebrating something uniquely ours, and this is it!

Orientations are NOT to blame for tragedies

I’m writing this as a pre-emptive strike against those who would seek to use the Pladl tragedy as justification for condemning consang people. We all know that there are those waiting in the wing to say ‘See, this is what GSA can lead to, now do you see why incest is illegal?” As you already know, people who come out with such things clearly don’t know what they’re talking about, and this article explains why.

I think for most people, it’s a given that people can be good or bad people, independantly of their sexual orientation. For example we all know good and bad people who are heterosexual, and good and bad people who are homosexual. It will come as no shock to my readers that good and bad people also exist within the consang population. Just like the rest of you, we experience the best and the worst that life has to offer. We’re really no different.

I’ve encountered literally hundreds of GSA and Non-GSA couples online, and guess what, none of them has gone on a homicidal rampage. Most of them are either happily settled in their relationships, or are struggling with the same issues every regular couple does, and yes, some of us are coping with the extra stress of secrecy. Guess what? That is NORMAL LIFE. What happened with the Pladls is NOT REPRESENTATIVE of consanguinamory, it’s every bit as anomalous to us as it is to regulars.

Look at it another way, if a man shoots his wife and children, do you blame regular relationships, or do you condemn what he did and try to understand why it happened? Of course we all know, we all do the latter. What I’m asking all journalists to do, if they do choose to write about the Pladl tragedy, is to afford us the same respect. Our community do not condone or excuse the terrible actions taken by Steven Pladl, but we will try to understand it.

My point is that killers come from all kinds of backgrounds, and from all sexual orientations. Ones orientation has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with ones ability to kill. This killer was a consang, but he was not a killer BECAUSE he was consang, he was a killer because he was unstable, likely because he was driven to it by condemnation, and legal and media harassment. So before you point the finger, think about what I’ve said today.