What does consanguinamory mean?
It simply means ‘love of family members’, and by that I mean romantic love.
So it’s just another word for incest then?
Technically speaking yes, but the community prefer not to use the ‘i’ word for several reasons. Firstly, the word makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable, when it is used people tend to think about child abusers and rapists, not people in consensual loving relationships (which is what this website is about).
Secondly, there are many websites of a pornographic nature out there that treat ‘incest’ as a sexual kink, they do not speak for the community for whom it is an orientation that we live with. This is a serious website, anyone looking to get their jollies had better go elsewhere.
Why would anyone want to have such a relationship?
For the same reasons as anyone else has any other type of relationship, because when two people fall in love it is a special thing. It isn’t like people choose who they fall in love with, it is something that just happens.
Why can’t you people find somebody not related to have a relationship with?
For the same reasons that a gay person cannot be straight. Some of us prefer to be with a relative because it is a very specific type of love, a merger between family love and romantic love. These are not incompatible and for many people it is a beautiful thing.
A good many people have tried ‘normal’ relationships and have found them unfulfilling because it always feels like there is something missing… which there is, the family bond.
Isn’t this website illegal?
No. Consanguinamorous relationships may be legal or illegal depending on where you live, but even in places where it is illegal, talking about it and raising issues isn’t illegal. It’s called free speech, if you don’t like this blog, then don’t read it, that’s quite simple.
Aren’t people who do this sort of thing mentally ill?
Again, no. They’re normal people just like anyone else, they hold down jobs, run their homes, raise families, and do all the stuff that ‘normal’ people do. Of course, it is possible to get somebody who has a mental illness who is also consanguinamorous, but my point is that consanguinamory is not an illness in itself. It’s also worth remembering that it’s not so long ago that homosexuality was considered a mental illness.
What about all the deformed babies?
It is quite simply a myth that all children born from such unions are disabled or deformed. In ancient Egypt, as much as 20% of the population married a family member, most often brother/sister marriages. There is no historical record to suggest that 20% of the population in ancient Egypt were disabled, or anywhere near that figure. That’s not to say that it can never lead to a disabled child, because the risk of defects for consanguineous couples is greater than for unrelated couples, but it is nowhere near as large as feared.
Another point here is that if we ban these couples from having children, should we also ban people with disabilities from reproducing? Or older people? I think not because that sounds a hell of a lot like Eugenics to me. It also makes it sound as though a disabled person is worth less than an able bodied one, which obviously isn’t the case.
Personally, I would find it preferable if genetic screening was made available to any persons concerned about the genetic health of their potential offspring.
Doesn’t this warp family dynamics?
No. The romantic relationship is an add-on to the existing family relationship, and so the two types of relationship run concurrently and blend in well with each other.
What about when they split up, doesn’t that cause a terrible rift in the family?
That depends on the reasons for the breakup. Like with ‘normal’ relationships, the reasons for breaking up are varied and it depends in the individuals involved. In most cases it does not cause a catastrophe, it means that they can continue to have a family relationship even when the romance has ended.
How can somebody consent to having sexual relations with a family member?
The same way they can consent to sex with anyone else!
I can see that with brother/sister relationships, but what about parent/offspring, isn’t there an unhealthy power balance?
Again, No. If a person is legally old enough to consent, then they are old enough to consent with any other adult. When offspring are grown-up, they are young adults with hearts and minds of their own. It is insulting to many offspring in these situations to be told ‘but you can’t possibly consent’. If two people fall in love and they happen to be mother and son, or father and daughter, why should they be denied the right to explore that relationship? These relationships are as likely to be healthy as any other type of relationship. Again, the family love and the romantic love become one.
People always assume coercion in these cases, but in reality that is extremely rare.
Wouldn’t legalizing incest make life easier for pedophiles?
No. Pedophiles are people who rape and molest little children. There has always been, and will always be laws against that, and rightfully so. Some pedophiles claim that their interest is ‘incest’ but in reality, they have nothing in common with the consanguinamorous community. They have as much in common with us as a pedophile priest who rapes his alter boys does with the gay community in general.
I can say on behalf of consanguinamorous people everywhere, we hate pedophiles as much as anyone else. Anyone who could do that to ANY child is a disgrace to all humanity, but those who do it to one of their own children is a double disgrace because it is the worst form of betrayal imaginable. The issue of child abuse is something that all different communities around the world need to be serious about tackling, and we are your allies in that, not your enemy.
I’ve heard of something called GSA, what’s that?
It’s called ‘Genetic Sexual Attraction’, it happens when family members become separated from each other when at least one of them was a small child, and reunite when they are adults. This sometimes leads to a sexual attraction between the reunited parties. GSA partners have to get to know each other like ‘normal’ partners for this reason, unlike with traditional ‘incest’ where the partners know each other extremely well to begin with.
Is GSA a type of consanguinamory as well then?
Yes, because they are still family and they are also trying to establish a family relationship when they are reunited.
What do you hope to accomplish with this website?
Mostly, I want to raise public awareness of what consanguinamory is, and what it’s not. I want to educate people on the issues involved so that our voice can be heard and understood. We’re not monsters and we don’t bite.
Ultimately I want understanding and equal rights for consanguinamorous couples the world over, including the right of marriage. I want the discrimination and the hate to stop, because it’s not right or fair. I know that can only happen if more of us voice our opinions and thoughts to educate people.
My other main aim is to help to put people who thought that they were alone with these thoughts, feelings and experiences in touch with others who have gone through the same. If this applies to you, take a look at the websites I link to in the ‘useful links’ section of this website.
I have a question for you, or would like you to cover a certain topic on your website, how do I contact you?
You may e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org