FAQ

What does consanguinamory mean?

It simply means ‘love of family members’, and by that I mean romantic love.

 

So it’s just another word for incest then?

Technically speaking yes, but the community prefer not to use the ‘i’ word for several reasons. Firstly, the word makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable, when it is used people tend to think about child abusers and rapists, not people in consensual loving relationships (which is what this website is about).

Secondly, there are many websites of a pornographic nature out there that treat ‘incest’ as a sexual kink, they do not speak for the community for whom it is an orientation that we live with. This is a serious website, anyone looking to get their jollies had better go elsewhere.

 

Why would anyone want to have such a relationship?

For the same reasons as anyone else has any other type of relationship, because when two people fall in love it is a special thing. It isn’t like people choose who they fall in love with, it is something that just happens.

 

Why can’t you people find somebody not related to have a relationship with?

For the same reasons that a gay person cannot be straight. Some of us prefer to be with a relative because it is a very specific type of love, a merger between family love and romantic love. These are not incompatible and for many people it is a beautiful thing.

A good many people have tried ‘normal’ relationships and have found them unfulfilling because it always feels like there is something missing… which there is, the family bond.

 

Isn’t this website illegal?

No. Consanguinamorous relationships may be legal or illegal depending on where you live, but even in places where it is illegal, talking about it and raising issues isn’t illegal. It’s called free speech, if you don’t like this blog, then don’t read it, that’s quite simple.

 

Aren’t people who do this sort of thing mentally ill?

Again, no. They’re normal people just like anyone else, they hold down jobs, run their homes, raise families, and do all the stuff that ‘normal’ people do. Of course, it is possible to get somebody who has a mental illness who is also consanguinamorous, but my point is that consanguinamory is not an illness in itself. It’s also worth remembering that it’s not so long ago that homosexuality was considered a mental illness.

 

What about all the deformed babies?

It is quite simply a myth that all children born from such unions are disabled or deformed. In ancient Egypt, as much as 20% of the population married a family member, most often brother/sister marriages. There is no historical record to suggest that 20% of the population in ancient Egypt were disabled, or anywhere near that figure. That’s not to say that it can never lead to a disabled child, because the risk of defects for consanguineous couples is greater than for unrelated couples, but it is nowhere near as large as feared.

Another point here is that if we ban these couples from having children, should we also ban people with disabilities from reproducing? Or older people? I think not because that sounds a hell of a lot like Eugenics to me. It also makes it sound as though a disabled person is worth less than an able bodied one, which obviously isn’t the case.

Personally, I would find it preferable if genetic screening was made available to any persons concerned about the genetic health of their potential offspring.

 

Doesn’t this warp family dynamics?

No. The romantic relationship is an add-on to the existing family relationship, and so the two types of relationship run concurrently and blend in well with each other.

 

What about when they split up, doesn’t that cause a terrible rift in the family?

That depends on the reasons for the breakup. Like with ‘normal’ relationships, the reasons for breaking up are varied and it depends in the individuals involved. In most cases it does not cause a catastrophe, it means that they can continue to have a family relationship even when the romance has ended.

 

How can somebody consent to having sexual relations with a family member?

The same way they can consent to sex with anyone else!

 

I can see that with brother/sister relationships, but what about parent/offspring, isn’t there an unhealthy power balance?

Again, No. If a person is legally old enough to consent, then they are old enough to consent with any other adult. When offspring are grown-up, they are young adults with hearts and minds of their own. It is insulting to many offspring in these situations to be told ‘but you can’t possibly consent’. If two people fall in love and they happen to be mother and son, or father and daughter, why should they be denied the right to explore that relationship? These relationships are as likely to be healthy as any other type of relationship. Again, the family love and the romantic love become one.

People always assume coercion in these cases, but in reality that is extremely rare.

 

Wouldn’t legalizing incest make life easier for pedophiles?

No. Pedophiles are people who rape and molest little children. There has always been, and will always be laws against that, and rightfully so. Some pedophiles claim that their interest is ‘incest’ but in reality, they have nothing in common with the consanguinamorous community. They have as much in common with us as a pedophile priest who rapes his alter boys does with the gay community in general.

I can say on behalf of consanguinamorous people everywhere, we hate pedophiles as much as anyone else. Anyone who could do that to ANY child is a disgrace to all humanity, but those who do it to one of their own children is a double disgrace because it is the worst form of betrayal imaginable. The issue of child abuse is something that all different communities around the world need to be serious about tackling, and we are your allies in that, not your enemy.

 

I’ve heard of something called GSA, what’s that?

It’s called ‘Genetic Sexual Attraction’, it happens when family members become separated from each other when at least one of them was a small child, and reunite when they are adults. This sometimes leads to a sexual attraction between the reunited parties. GSA partners have to get to know each other like ‘normal’ partners for this reason, unlike with traditional ‘incest’ where the partners know each other extremely well to begin with.

 

Is GSA a type of consanguinamory as well then?

Yes, because they are still family and they are also trying to establish a family relationship when they are reunited.

 

What do you hope to accomplish with this website?

Mostly, I want to raise public awareness of what consanguinamory is, and what it’s not. I want to educate people on the issues involved so that our voice can be heard and understood. We’re not monsters and we don’t bite.

Ultimately I want understanding and equal rights for consanguinamorous couples the world over, including the right of marriage. I want the discrimination and the hate to stop, because it’s not right or fair. I know that can only happen if more of us voice our opinions and thoughts to educate people.

My other main aim is to help to put people who thought that they were alone with these thoughts, feelings and experiences in touch with others who have gone through the same. If this applies to you, take a look at the websites I link to in the ‘useful links’ section of this website.

I have a question for you, or would like you to cover a certain topic on your website, how do I contact you?

You may e-mail me at janedoeofks@protonmail.com

 

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3 thoughts on “FAQ

  1. Just wondering how this relates to Scripture. Im a Christian, and I can’t believe anything unless it’s in the Bible. Doesn’t 1 Corinthians 5 bring the incest rules from the OT into the NT? If not, please tell me ur input. I would be happy to hear ur side.

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    1. The Bible actually contradicts itself. It claims that God is against incest, and yet we can observe the following instances of incest which are not condemned, or at least are implied:

      1. Who was Cains wife? If Adam and Eve were the first human beings, did they also have a daughter who was his wife, or did he also marry Eve.

      2. Abraham was married to Sarah, his half-sister, this marriage was not only not condemned, but was blessed by God. Today they would be thrown in jail.

      3. Lots daughters got him drunk and had sex with him. This is never condemned even though it wasn’t just incest, but date rape.

      4. If Noah, his wife, his three sons and their wives were the only survivors of the great flood, then for Noahs grandchildren the only available options were cousins or closer relations.

      5. Mary and Joseph were cousins. This is again not condemned, and in fact Gabriel told Joseph to marry her. Quite odd if God is anti-incect.

      These are just 5 off the top of my head. The Bible is not at all clear and is actually quite a contradictory book. If you see a contradiction, you know that it cannot be inspired by God. So my belief is that God is indifferent to sexual minorities, it’s the person you are, not who you get into a relationship with that really matters.

      I used to be Christian, but I had to abandon the religion because of the fact it contradicts itself on many levels, it encourages learning and thinking, and yet condemns people who think outside the box or challenge authority. Jesus did and said many many great things, he was centuries ahead of his time. The Bible is also littered with concepts of ancient schools of thinking which are now scientifically disproven. Earth isn’t flat and square (so it can’t have 4 corners), it’s spheroid and provably so.

      God did NOT create the world in 6 days, but created an entire universe in oh… 13.5 billion years (scientific FACT), I believe God wrote the laws of physics and chemistry, and then let nature take it’s course in knowledge of the outcome as God transcends space-time continuum. It’s glaringly obvious things like this that meant I could no longer believe.

      A loving God would NEVER subject people to an eternal punishment for a temporal crime, especially a crime of ignorance. This has been used to terrify people into belief for centuries, but if we believe God is loving, we MUST reject the idea of a ‘Hell’ for anyone other than higher beings who should know better because they can see the whole timeline, and THEN behave badly (eg. Satan). Like, would you ground your child forever and deprive them of all nice things because they had a temper tantrum? I doubt it, the punishment would be temporary, and probably the natural consequences of their actions… like, if they destroy a toy in temper, it doesn’t get replaced, and they don’t get chocolate THAT DAY. If we are ‘made in the image of God’ then how can God be so callous and us so compassionate? Makes no sense does it.

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