Since I am here giving everyone lots of information, I think it’s only fair that I tell my readers a bit about myself, why I put up this website and why this all matters so much to me. This website for me isn’t just a pet project or a hobby, it’s deeply personal.
Basically, I am a woman in my early 30s, I used to be in a relationship with my dad on and off for a few years from when I was almost 20 up until I was in my late 20s. It wasn’t GSA, just straightforward incest, and it was the most deep, beautiful and loving relationship I’ve ever had. He was my soulmate, the only person I could ever love so much or understand so well. In truth we were so well matched it was almost as if we were made for each other. Most people find somebody like that in their lives, but for the overwhelming majority of people it isn’t one of their parents, or any other family member for that matter.
I clearly remember the confusion I felt when I first began to see him that way, I knew that society said that incest is bad, sick, disgusting and profoundly wrong, and yet the idea didn’t feel even remotely like that to me, it felt so right. Truth is, I fell in love with him and I chose to go with my heart and not my head. Although I was young I knew it wasn’t a crush or a phase, I’d had these feelings for a little while, but long enough to know the difference. I knew that what we had together was something real, and something very special. We were able to talk to each other for hours and never run out of things to say, and at other times just a glance could say a million words. We just understood each other so well, in a way it probably would have been more weird NOT to pursue the relationship, because it was the natural extension of our very strong family bond.
Naturally, we had to hide our relationship from my mother and my siblings, who lived in the same house. Mum and dad were still married, but their marriage was extremely unhappy and they would argue all the time even over the most minor of things. In fact I grew up listening to them threaten each other with divorce every few days. I didn’t see eye to eye with my mother and she was a somewhat highly strung and toxic personality who concerned herself more with idle gossip and telling others what to do, blatant manipulation and blackmail was her usual modus operandi when she feared that her own way wasn’t going to be forthcoming. My dad was planning to divorce her, something he really should have done years before I think. As it turned out, she passed away unexpectedly a year later.
After a time it occurred to me that we can’t possibly be the only incest couple out there, and I began my search online. I come across several porn sites, some of which had forums attached to, and I saw several websites for people going through ‘genetic sexual attraction’. The first difference I noticed was that GSA forums had a no porn policy, but many of them said things on their main pages along the lines of ‘this is for the discussion of GSA issues, not for the promotion of incest’. So people like me were pretty much left to the porn sites. I joined a couple of these websites and it took me ages to identify some actual real people, almost all of the threads were choc full of masturbatory garbage and painfully obvious bullshit that sounded like a porn script.
It was nice to be able to communicate with the few real people I had found, to share experiences and insights with them. At the time we often used to use private messages so that our conversations were not hijacked by the fetishists. I realized that not only was I not alone, but that my thoughts and feelings about incest were completely normal and common. In the eyes of society I would be a freak, but within my own community I was miss average.
A few years ago my dad broke off the relationship with me, he was afraid of us getting caught out, and he also still felt that it was somehow wrong for us to be together. Yet I loved him and he loved me, both in the romantic sense of the word and as family. I’ve tried non-incest relationships and they just don’t feel right to me, half the bond is missing… the family aspect of the bond, and so they feel almost superficial to me in the sense that they lack the same intimacy. Nobody has come even close to what my dad was to me. I still miss him so much and hope one day he has a change of heart, because even after so much time I am still in love with him. I miss everything from us going on the supermarket run to falling asleep in his arms at night. He just wasn’t able to get over the taboo against incest, so despite the obvious strength of our feelings he could not stay with me. I’ve tried so hard to just get on with my life, but it still hurts knowing that our relationship wasn’t just viable, it would have been thriving if that ridiculous taboo hadn’t been there in the first place.
Towards the end of last year, I decided to come back online to re-find the community again. I was in for a pleasant surprise. Not only does the community now have a forum with no porn or fetishists (which I now help to run as part of the admin team), but the GSA community and the ‘incest’ community are both two halves of the same larger consanguinamorous community. After all, both groups of people suffer the same outrageous prejudice from society, and for the same reasons. When I saw the two blogs of FullMarriageEquality and TheFinalManifesto I felt inspired, compelled to help out. I want to help other consanguinamorous people to understand themselves, to realize that they’re not alone and that they’re not freaks and perverts. I want to help with this because I don’t want to see other healthy and viable consanguinamorous relationships splitting up like me and my dad did, it just breaks my heart because it happens to people pretty often. I also want to help to remove the societal prejudices and misunderstandings, and that can only be done by education and exposure to our views and lives. I want to world to understand that we’re here, we’re normal people, and we deserve equal rights. In short I want to help shatter the taboo by showing how unnecessary it is. Like I said at the outset, this is personal to me because the issues I talk about in this blog have affected my life too. I speak from both personal experience, and from the observations of others I have spoken to online.
Should anyone wish to contact me for any reason, they may do so at firstname.lastname@example.org