The ten rules to keeping your relationship a secret

Okay, this article is meant as a practical guide for staying out of legal trouble whilst continuing in a consanguinamorous relationship, and is aimed at anyone who is in such a relationship and is living in a country where it is illegal. It’s sad that incest is even an issue, but sadly we are discriminated against and treated as criminals simply for falling in love with people who are close relatives.

Rule one: Trust no-one

This may seem obvious, but don’t tell anyone. Not your other relatives, not your best friend, not even your children unless you absolutely have to. There is sadly a perception that it’s safe to tell LGBT friends, and while this may sometimes be the case, it often isn’t… so please don’t run the risk. It is true that homosexuals also suffer from prejudice, but it doesn’t mean that they are all necessarily going to support consanguinamory. To be fair there are LGBT people who are supportive of us, but there are also those who are not. Unfortunately there is no way to tell who is and isn’t safe to tell.

People to be extra cautious around would be anyone who is excessively ‘moralistic’ and rigid in their thinking, like very religious people. Don’t tell people who have already expressed disgust at consanguinamory (for instance people who say cousins being together is icky). Oh, and don’t tell anyone who is homophobic, if they react that way to gay people imagine how they would react to incest.

Furthermore, don’t even tell your doctor or therapist. They may have doctor/patient confidentiality, but they are legally obliged to disclose anything about illegal relationships to the cops.

Rule two: Behave as family when out and about

This means no hand holding, snogging and groping, or calling each other pet names or ‘sexy’ whilst in public. You might run into somebody who knows you as family members and them finding out this way would be likely to go down like a lead balloon. I realize this might be difficult because the family role and the lovers role can be so intertwined, but it is necessary for your security. This rule however may be relaxed when visiting a safe foreign country together, for instance if you went for a weekend break in France.

Rule three: No sexting when drunk

I say this because it is possible to send a message to the wrong person by mistake, everyone has sent messages to the wrong recipient when they’ve had a few too many. Sending a sext to the wrong person is embarrassing for anyone, but sending one that incriminates you in this way is a whole lot worse. Again, a bad way to get caught out.

Rule four: Delete your browser history and your text messages

If other people also use your computer, it is worth deleting your browsing history if you have been on any websites that discuss incest. You don’t want people rummaging through your private business anyway but it is easy to do this to stay safe. Also if anyone is particularly nosy pay attention to which messages are stored. Any that are incriminating should be deleted as soon as they have been read and replied to.

Rule five: Restrict physical intimacy until you are SURE that you have time alone

This is another no-brainer, but it is essential to make sure that you are not going to be caught red-handed. If you live in a house with others, it might, for instance, be sensible to wait until everyone else is asleep (and obviously make sure that you don’t be too noisy and wake people up!).

Rule six: If there isn’t a lock on your bedroom door, get one!

This applies mostly to people who are sharing a house with others. Even when rule 5 is observed, it is possible for somebody to come home early, or to wake in the night to get a drink or use the loo… either way, getting caught is BAD. If you install a lock, it means you can’t be caught. If they hear anything, you could reasonably claim to have been watching porn.

Rule seven: Draw your curtains/close the blinds

You may have locked your door, but if the neighbors across the road can see what you’re doing then the game is up. It goes without saying… make sure you aren’t seen. The only time curtain closing isn’t important is if you live in the middle of nowhere or if you’re living in a flat in a high building and the inside of your flat cannot be seen by anyone from any other building.

Rule eight: Don’t pull up and have sex in the car

Might seem obvious, but passers by, including cops, might be interested to see what is happening. Imagine if somebody stops wondering if you broke down, only to find you at it in the car… even if they don’t know you they will probably notice how strongly you resemble each other and call the cops.

Rule Nine: Have a show room

By this I mean have a ‘room each’. One of these rooms is obviously just for show so that others visiting you don’t catch on to the fact you share a room. Try and make it look as lived in as possible, so one of you must keep your clothes in there… even down to maybe leaving laundry about and perhaps leaving some items out and about… like books, hairbrushes, deodorant or other personal products. If people are going to buy that the room belongs to one of you, it has to look the part.

Rule Ten: Destroy used condoms and keep sex toys extra clean

Most people just throw used condoms out in the trash… but that will count as evidence against you if such evidence exists. Better to burn them instead and destroy the evidence. Also ensure that any sex toys are thoroughly cleaned for the same reasons… if BOTH lots of DNA are on them it can also be counted as evidence.