Family Dynamics and Consanguinamory

In society there is a lot of misunderstandings about us, and at the root of many of them is the assumptions about how consanguinamory would effect family dynamics. Of course, these wrongful assumptions are often used as justification for keeping our orientation illegal. While I could use this webpage to go over why incest should be legal, I’m not going to. I’ve covered these logical arguments extensively already in many of my other essays to the point that were I to repeat it all again already, I would do so at risk of sounding like a parrot. What I will do here, is to outline how our relationships ACTUALLY impact family dynamics. As always, I draw from my own experience, and from my years of communicating with other consang people.

Double-love and family dynamics

Myth: Incest destroys the family bond, you have to stop fullfilling your usual family role in order to become lovers.

Reality: People are able to have relationships very successfully in which they are both family and lovers simultaneously.

People who enter into consanguinamorous relationships are fully aware of what they’re doing, and they’re fully aware of the fact that they have the task of balancing their existing familial role with a romantic one. Contrary to public opinion, this is usually not a problem, with most people finding the balance that works best for them. People don’t go into such relationships thinking that they must ignore their family roles, and even attempting to do that would be a recipe for unfullfillment and problems. Many people new to consanguinamory do wonder where the right balance is, and to be honest there is no clear cut answers, some people balance more towards their familial role, some more towards the lovers role, some are more of less central, and for some people this fluctuates depending on the circumstances in their lives. None of these answers is right or wrong, but in all cases both roles are present and active in whatever balance suits the couple best.

Actually, I could explain it another way to make it easier for regulars to grasp the concept. If two people are close friends who have grown up together (perhaps they were neighbors and/or went to the same schools), and at some point they want to become more than just friends, do they cease to be friends because they took the next step? Of course not, they do not lose each other as friends, that friendship continues into their romantic relationship.  Actually, their pre-existing friendship is a pretty solid foundation on which to build a long term relationship. This is a known fact and nobody questions it, in fact in many friends to lovers situations, most people find it beautiful or cute, with some people wondering what took the couple so long to realize!

Our double-love is much like that, except that it is more intense. In our case it’s family to lovers. Just as regulars may use a pre-existing friendship as a base, we use an existing family relationship as a base. In essence we become more than family. The added intensity to our relationships comes from the increased amount of similarity that we share with our family members, such as mannerisms and behaviour in general, likes and dislikes, ways of thinking and being. All these things create an especially strong bond which isn’t really akin to anything else, despite the similarities of friends to lovers with family to lovers in the way in which these relationships are formed.

Relationships Breakdowns

Myth: If you break up, you’ll destroy the family bond you have. You can never go back to being just family.

Reality: Consang couples who break up CAN keep their family relationship intact, depending on why they broke up.

Assuming that consang people cannot continue in a family role just because a relationship has ended is quite narrow minded, and just not true. While it is true that things can never go back to exactly the way that they were before the relationship started, it is not true that it must end in disaster.

All relationships contain an element of risk, and things do not always work out the way that we had hoped or planned, but that doesn’t mean that its the end of the world. Sometimes, if the pressures of the secret keeping are too much for people, they decide to break it off, and after a time they can revert to being ‘just family’ while retaining a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other.

However, if a breakup has been because of domestic abuse, cheating or other problematic behaviours, then the fallout is likely to be greater, just as it would be for our regular counterparts. And yes, sometimes this CAN lead to relatives becoming estranged. Nobody would want to continue to be in a relationship with an abuser, and so sometimes people have to go no-contact if this happens to them.

My point is that the course of consang relationships is very much the same as with the mainstream, sometimes things end well, sometimes badly, it depends on the people involved and their level of emotional maturity. I think all of us in the community know that there are certain risks we take to embark on this journey, and as long as people are making informed choices then this need not be an issue.

The sanctity of family

Myth: People NEED a non-sexual relationship with their relatives to preserve the beauty of the family unit

Reality: There is beauty within consanguinamory too, and while most people prefer to keep their familial relationships platonic, this doesn’t apply to everyone.

Behind this myth is the idea that if we persue our relationships, then we must destroy the inherent beauty present in a familial relationship which is platonic. The argument goes that because people rely on their families in times of crisis, especially relationship crisis, that this is somehow lost of we are dating within the family.

While it is true that we can’t turn to family members about any problems in a consang relationship (unless they’re aware and accepting, and that is a rarity), it isn’t true that a romantic relationship between relatives is less beautiful than a platonic one. It’s a matter of perception and what works for the individuals involved. To us, our family romances are the most beautiful thing in existence, we become literally everything to each other. So while MOST people in society wouldn’t want to have a relationship with a relative, it’s certainly not true that all people must have purely non-sexual relationships with all of their relatives. People are all different, and what works for one doesn’t for another.

Accepting the beauty of consanguinamory does not in any way tarnish or diminish the beauty of regular relationships. It’s just part of natural diversity.


Myth: People who have these relationships are confusing two very different kinds of love, therefore they need help to work through their mixed up feelings.

Reality: People who have these relationships are aware of the two distinct kinds of love, they have both kinds of love at the same time, that’s our double-love. We don’t need help, we need understanding and acceptance

From a Regulars point of view, it must seem confusing, their Westermarck Effect does not allow them to see properly how it all works, and so they make the understandable assumption that we must have things mixed up in our minds. More than that, our decision to date a relative in itself is largely incomprehensible to them, they cannot imagine juggling the familial role with the romantic role. In this case, the confusion is not ours, but theirs.

As stated before, you do not need to destroy a family relationship in order to build a romantic one, rather you use the existing family relationship as a base on which to build the romance.


Myth: People can’t consent to sex with family members, especially their parents because of the power dynamics.

Reality: Adults are able to consent to sex with any other adults, which includes their relatives.

Consanguinamory does not involve coercion, grooming or power play. It involves human beings who know exactly what they are doing and why. Adult offspring are perfectly able to accept or decline any advances made by a parent, or make advances of their own. Contrary to some of the silly ideas floating around society, people do not remain ‘forever children’ to their parents, or at least in a healthy family they shouldn’t. Once somebody is an adult, they’re able to make up their own minds about who they date. You wouldn’t tell a 20 year old woman not to date her 40 year old boss at work (unless either of them were in an existing monogamous relationship already), so why tell her she can’t date her 40 year old dad if he’s available? Is she a grown woman able to make her own choices or not? Think about that.


Consanguinamory doesn’t interfere with family dynamics, not in the way people think that it does. If two people are happy together and enjoying a harmonious relationship, how could this do anything but enhance family life? Denying people the right to these relationships, tearing apart families when it is discovered and removing children from loving homes… THAT destroys family dynamics. The legal attitude towards consanguinamory is nothing more than tyranny of the majority, it’s hypocrisy, and it causes tangeable harm. This can be changed, by tackling incestophobic prejudice wherever we find it. Once people become more aware of the reality of our lives, what we’re REALLY all about and the oppressive cultures we’re often forced to live under… then things will start to change.


How flexible is human sexuality?

There has been some discussion on Kindred Spirits about whether or not peoples orientation can change over time. Could somebody start out as bisang and move up the consanguinamory scale if they ever have a consang relationship? Could they move down the scale if they have a regular one? Interesting question to be sure. That said, let’s explore the evidence. Remember, this essay is not intended to give a definitive answers to these quetions, rather it’s purpose is to simply brainstorm what we do know and see in which direction the evidence is pointing. Without further study, none of us can claim to know for sure (even though we may be certain about our own experiences).

FACT ONE: Many people, once having a consang relationship do not wish to go back to having regular relationships, however this doesn’t apply to everyone.

The debate we’ve been having is whether or not these people who would not now want a regular relationship have moved up the consang scale and become MORE consang as a result of having a relationship with a family member, or whether they were ALWAYS fully consang but did not realize it. The truth is: we don’t know for sure. It could be one way with some people and the other with others. The evidence at this point doesn’t point either way, it’s a matter of interpretation.

HOWEVER, what of the people who have had a consang relationship and still feel that they can date regulars? These people clearly did not move anywhere on the scale, they were, and still are bisangs. Could this point to human sexuality being more fixed that we would think, or could it point to it being flexible for some but not for others? Interesting thoughts to say the least.

FACT TWO: People appear to be unable to consciously change their orientation, even if they want to.

It’s a well known fact that people cannot just change what they are. How many people of non-standard orientations have wished at one point or another that they were ‘normal’? How many gay people underwent conversion therapy, only to find that it did not change their orientation? A lot to be sure. I see no reason why our orientation would be any more or less flexible than it is for other orientations. This appears to indicate that sexuality may flex a little, but not a lot.

FACT THREE: Older people appear less flexible than younger people.

Sexuality may be more flexible when people are in their teens and early 20s. How many people do you know who, for instance, may have experimented with a same sex partner in their youth, and then gone on to be strictly heterosexual for the rest of their lives? Same with consanguinamory, there are a lot of people who may have had something with a sibling as a teenager, only to later date outside the family and ultimately settle down and marry.

Does this mean that sexuality is less fixed when people are younger, or does it only mean that younger people are more willing to try different things because they’re still learning about themselves and the world around them?

Are older people more set in their sexuality because they’ve experimented when they were younger and discovered what their sexuality has been all along, or were they flexible when they were younger and became less so as they aged?

Bottom line

Ultimately, this appears to boil down to the nature/nurture debate. I am inclined to think it’s a bit of both, that sexuality is at least in part hard wired, but that positive and negative experiences can help shape around the edges. Those of us who are consang or bisang have always lacked Westermarck Effect, I think that part is for sure hard wired. That said, where land on the scale could be slighly influenced by our experiences. Would I have turned out bisang as opposed to fully consang had I have not had such a remarkable relationship with my dad? I’ll never know, but I do know that I would never have been a regular because I am not wired up to have Westermarck Effect.

Being a Single Consang

This issue effects quite a few of us, and it’s something I haven’t really written a great deal about. For this reason (and the fact that it’s been raised on Kindred Spirits recently), I thought it’s something I should weigh in on.

There are two main reasons why a consang may be single, the first is that they once had a consang relationship and it has ended, and the second is that there is nobody in the family who is both interested and available.

In both cases, some people attempt to plug the gap by dating regulars, something I did myself for a time. While this approach may seem sensible at first glance, it often is a pretty bad coping strategy for people who are exclusively consang. It’s like attempting to get rid of hunger by eating a cookie, it works only momentarily and then you feel emptier than ever. That said, it can and does work for some bisang people who are equally happy to date regulars.

So, what DOES work?

Sometimes, one of the best strategies is to communicate with others who understand, who are in the same boat as yourself. There is always something to be said about communication and mutual understanding because it leaves people feeling less isolated than they would otherwise be.

Others may cope by throwing themselves into their work or hobbies and leaving themselves no time to contemplate their desires. This could work for some, at least for a time, depending on how strong the desire is (and it is usually pretty strong for most people in my observation).

My personal way of coping is through my blogging and my activities on KS. At least if I can’t have what I want, I can help other people.

Ultimately though, there must be some acceptance that we don’t always get what we want, even when we once had it. It is difficult, because nothing can be substituted in it’s place, and the longing never disappears. This means that accepting it is about all we can do, and while we may not be able to change our orientation (and nor should we want to), we can work on feeling worthy and self-acceptance if those have been issues.

I have found that, at least for myself, having a complete acceptance of my sexuality has allowed me to be no just fully comfortable with it, but also in itself made it easier to cope with the fact that my dad is no longer my partner. Understanding consanguinamory and how it works as an orientation has enabled this necessary shift in perspective. It has given me the insight I needed not just to understand how and why we got involved in the first place, but also to understand all the extra pressures on consangs which caused the breakup. In many ways this has made me a far more empathetic person, and has fascilitated the work I now do in the community.

What doesn’t work?

Escapism through drink or drugs certainly doesn’t work, and in the long term can only be destructive to ones physical and mental health. Any relief those bring only last as long as the effects of whatever substance has been taken. Anyone suffering from substance abuse should really be seeking medical attention to combat the addiction before they can work on the reasons why they did it in the first place.

Trying to convince yourself that you’re regular also will not work, you may be able to convince everyone around you, but ultimately you can’t hide it from yourself, at least not in the long term. In these cases the suppressed desire will ALWAYS return, especially when you’re around the person you’re attracted to.

Trying to be something that you’re not, EVEN IF YOU ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU’RE LYING can cause you misery. Trust me, I know because I did it, I knew in my own mind what I was, but I dated because it was expected of me. It didn’t pan out too well to say the least. Now, even with a small amount of pressure to put myself back on the market, I still won’t. If I can’t have my dad any more then I must accept that even though it hurts, but I am no longer open to being an actor for the sake of pleasing others. Rather, I now just tell people (if they ask why I’m STILL single) that I’m just ‘not interested’ in dating and that ‘there are other thing in life’, and leave it at that. People get the impression that I’ve just had a run of bad luck with men, and since I have no plans to out myself, I’d rather it stays that way.

What are your thoughts on being single?

Many people work on the underlying assumption that being single is in itself somehow bad or some sign that you’ve failed at life or something dramatic like that. Nothing could be further from the truth! Far better to be by yourself than be in a substitute relationship with somebody you can only connect to on the most superficial of levels. If you genuinely CANNOT date regulars, as I’ve discovered I can’t, and no consang relationship is available to you, then being single may be your only viable option. This does NOT make you in any way a failure as a person, it just means that there is nobody available.

Having a relationship is a wonderful and positive thing, provided that both people are happy and coping well with the stress of all the secrecy. However, if one of you is seriously struggling, with secrecy stress, or guilt and this remains unresolved, then it can cause problems and may even lead to breaking up, as happened with me and dad. If this has also happened to you, you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean either of you failed, it meant that you run into a problem that you were unable to resolve.

Remember, when we enter consang relationships, we’re basically on our own unless we found the community before even entering a relationship. Not knowing information you were never taught is not a deficiency of you or your partner, it’s a deficiency of information that was not provided to you at the time. You’d hardly berate yourself for not knowing other unknowns, so don’t beat yourself up for not knowing what type of problems you were likely to encounter as a consang.

Now, on the other hand, if you’re a consang whose love was never requited, again if you cannot for whatever reason date the relative that you’re interested in (maybe they’re in a committed monogamous relationship with somebody else, maybe they’ve already told you they’re regular… etc), then again, you have not failed at life. This is just one of those things that happens.

In truth, most people at one point or another have an interest in somebody else who is for whatever reason unavailable to them. We see that all the time, person A wants to date person B, but person B is already with person C. In the case of regulars, this often passes after a while and then they move on and find person D, who is available. For consangs it is very different, there usually is no person D. This is because there is only a small sphere of people in our families, and we wouldn’t necessarily want to date all of those, in many cases we would view a few of them as incompatible, and only one or two of those that we would be open to would likely have the same orientation as ourselves. So please don’t feel like you’re a failure if you’ve been unable to date, the circumstances are damn hard!


The take home message today, is that it’s absolutely okay to be consang and single, it doesn’t make you a failure and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Work on your self acceptance and be happy with who you are.

Underhanded and dirty tricks

Okay folks, I’m sorry not to be the bearer of good news at this time of year when we should simply be enjoying the run up to Christmas, but here goes. A while ago, our friend and ally Richard Morris of Australia submitted, for the THIRD time, a petition to legalize incest in Scotland. His previous two bids were rejected, the second of which without even being looked at properly, I saw a video of it in which it was given less than a minute of attention.

As if such ignorance wasn’t enough, Scotland is now considering changing the rules for petitions which would make it impossible for Richard to submit a fourth petition, and are currently moving to have the current petition closed. Now surely, they cannot be so afraid of what we have to say, that they will attempt to censor what is being said? Surely not?… but YES, that is EXACTLY what is happening. These individuals are so afraid of the weakness of their argument, and the strength of ours, that they would seek to deny us an audience because it offends their sensibilities.

Let me be clear, denying a point of view it’s right to speak simply because you do not like what it has to say is a form of FASCISM. Yes, that’s right, FASCISM. A real democracy would allow ALL views to at the very least be heard, even if they are later rejected. You can guarantee that they wouldn’t be looking at changing the rules if the petition was about hefty parking violation fines or the frequency of refuse collections during the summer months when the flies swarm around bins. The attempt at censorship is purely reactionary, because they are afraid of what we have to say, because it hits them at the core rather than appealing to their cerebral functions alone. The issue is devisive and emotive.  It hits them hard that we are human beings deserving of equality, because we commit the crime of being different. The same in many ways, but still different.

Granted, they may not yet be ready to accept our people fully, but that does not mean that we should be denied an audience. On the contrary, we should be debated and heard. I am confident that there is nothing any person could bring to the table which could invalidate our appeal for full equality. If there is such an argument, I am yet to hear it through these many years of my online travels, and my nearly two years of blogging on the issue. I know the answer, as do you: no such argument actually exists, hence this attempt at censorship. It stinks to high heaven of cowardice and underhandedness if you ask me. Anyone with backbone would tackle the issue at hand dispassionately, they would analyze all sides of an argument, weight up the pros and cons seriously, and then deliver their verdict… but this is not happening. It is not happening because they KNOW what that verdict would have to be, that incest would have to be legalized.

If, like me, you’re appalled at this latest outrageous display of contempt, then you can help Richard and all of us, SIGN THIS PETITION NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN, and show them all, he is not alone. God willing, it will have an impact.

I would like to say directly now to any Scots MPS reading this article: Do not shy away from us, we are not your enemy, we are a part of your society as we are a part of every society. All we ask is to live our lives in peace. We are not threat to you, we are no threat to the family unit, we are simply a small minority seeking equal rights. We fall in love and want to settle down just like the rest of you. You may not understand us, but that can change in time and with dialogue. We’re not asking for special treatment and we are not appealing to political correctness to shield us from criticism (which would be counter productive anyway since no current criticism has gone unanswered), we simply ask for equal and fair treatment. Many people were hesitant at hearing the gay community at first… do you REALLY want to repeat the mistakes of the previous generation? The ball is well and truly in your court, kick it in whatever direction you will, but before you take that shot, consider what I have said today.

Is it my orientation or not?

After participation in some threads at Kindred Spirits on this issue, I thought it important to clarify some important points. Not everyone who has a consang relationship is exlusively consanguinamorous, and not everyone who has regular relationships is exclusively regular. The world is not a binary place, rather orientation exists on a scale. Much like how there are bisexuals who are not exclusively straight or gay, there are some people in the world who are halfway between regular and consang.

As I wrote in the forum topic, in order for a person to be considered fully consang, the following criteria should be met:

  1. The person has an absent or very weak Westermarck Effect
  2. Related people appear to be more attractive than unrelated people
  3. Relationships with unrelated people feel empty and hollow, like something is missing

There are many people in the world who have a weak or absent Westermarck, but are equally attracted to non-relatives and are able to feel satisfied in a relationship with them. These people are PARTIALLY consang, not exclusively.

So, if you’re wondering whereabout on the scale you are, here is my scale:

Fully Consang – You’ve always known you lack Westermarck Effect, because you’ve never shared other peoples disgust whenever incest was mentioned. You may not have understood the significance of this at first, but you did the moment you fell in love with a relative because it all fell into place for you. You’ve tried regular relationships and always felt something wasn’t quite right, you sometimes told yourself ‘there must be more to love than this’ because it left you feeling empty inside, and with no obvious reason. The moment your relative became more than just family, you understood instinctively that this was RIGHT, even though society told you otherwise, the empty feeling was gone and for the first time you felt truly whole. Now you’ve experienced consanguinamory, you know you can never go back to regular relationships because they just feel so painfully awkward, not to mention hollow! You’re exclusively attracted to family members.

Consang-Flexible – You never had much of a Westermark Effect if any at all, and other peoples disgust may have seemed to you a bit over the top. When you fell in love with a relative you too found everything falling into place. You’ve tried regular relationships, and although they don’t feel as natural to you as consang ones, you cannot rule out finding the right regular because you do feel some attraction towards some of them. Thing is, they’d have to be something pretty damn special, at the very least somebody you could connect to on a family-like level. Your primary preference though would be to date within your family.

Bisang – You too have a very weak Westermarck Effect, so you too find the disgust reaction of others over the top. You’ve fallen in love with both relatives and non-relatives, and you have no relationship preference either way. You easily see the unique characteristics of both kinds of relationship and you’re able to switch between dating a relative and dating an unrelated person pretty easily.

Regular-Flexible – Your Westermarck Effect is stronger, although not strong enough to rule out relatives completely. You usually date outside your family and you’re primarily attracted to other regulars. You probably find that you’re not attracted to most of your family, although you would under the right circumstances be willing to make exceptions to this rule, perhaps just for one particular relative whose values and personality best compliment your own. Although you’re not completely disgusted by incest, you might find the concept a little awkward, hence you’d really prefer to date somebody who isn’t related.

Regular – You have a strong Westermarck Effect, and the very thought of dating a relative is a real turn off, the concept itself feels very awkward to you, disgusting even. No way in hell could you imagine dating a family member, and even thinking about others doing it makes you feel so uncomfortable that you’d prefer not to even hear about it. You’re exclusively attracted towards people who are unrelated.

Now you’ve seen my scale, where do you lie on it? I once thought I was consang-flexible, but it turns out that I’m 100% consang. To be honest, the thought of another regular relationship is highly unappealing to me, which is why I don’t engage in them any more. Whichever point you lie on the scale, it’s okay… every bit as okay as being anywhere on the straight-bisexual-gay scale.

More double-love

A while ago I was contacted by a young man who wanted to share his story. Well, today his story of falling in love with his father landed in my inbox. As with all of my interviews, the questions are in bold and the answers are in italics:

Describe what kind of consanguinamorous relationship you’re in, or have been in?

We are in a homosexual incest relationship. We are very monogamous and want it too stay that way. I’m am a son in relationship with my biological dad who raised me. 

Describe yourself, approximate age, what kind of person are you? What are your interests and hobbies?

I’m a 19 year old man. I’m currently attending school and I’m interested in a variety of world issues and topics. I’m similar too many other 19 year olds. My dad is 53 year old and is very professional and well educated. And sexy too 😊

How did it start, and what were your thoughts and feelings at the time?

I have been attracted too my dad since puberty and we have always been comfy around each other. My dad would always walk around in his briefs and tighty whities which I really liked! Over time I took some risks and went for it bluntly and it turns out he was wanting the same-thing when I turned 18.  

How long have you been together, and what are your plans for the future?

We’ve been together as a couple for 10 months now. We want too live and stay together where we are now for good. 

Is your relationship legal where you are?


If you could legally marry, would you?

Of course. We would love to get married with vows. 

What would you like to say to others who disapprove of your relationship, or who want people like yourself to be thrown in jail? 

We’re both consenting adults. I understand people who don’t accept but it’s none of their business. Everyone has their opinion but it can’t infringe on our lives and who we love. 

Describe the advantages and disadvantages of consanguinamorous relationships in your experience.

Well being closeted and not being able to be open sucks but we manage because or love is strong. The big advantage is how we are perfect for each other. We have so much in common and that is something I could only get from my dad. We have a double love. 

How do you feel about your relationship now

I feel great. We’re both happy and in love. Nothing much more too say!

Before you had this relationship, what were your thoughts and feelings about others who engaged in this type of relationship?

Never really thought about it. I guess I was indifferent about the whole topic. I always believed love is love.  

What are your thoughts and feelings about consanguinamory in general now? 

As long as it’s a choice and always consenting. Then like I said. Love is love. 

What is it like, having to hide the truth from the world, and having to lie to people?

It can be hard. When your in love you want everyone to know. But as long as we have each other then we will be okay with our secret. I hope one day I can say. This is my dad and my husband/partner

What would you like say to anyone who discovers a friend or relative in a consanguinamorous relationship?

As long as it’s loving and happy, then be happy for them! Love is a great thing! Don’t let prejudice over ride you. 

Is there anything else you want to add? 

My dad/husband was here with me while I wrote this. He agrees with everything I said! 

There you go, the words of a clearly happy and confident young man looking forward to many years with his dad. I’d like to thank him for sharing his story and wish them the very best for the future.

As a general reminder, anyone else wanting to share should visit this page and then e-mail me at

Lasting Love

You know, I absolutely love reading real life love stories that just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well today I have one such story for you sent in to me by one of my readers, in response to a set of questions I composed for the purposes of allowing people to share their experiences anonymously. For the sake of clarity, the questions are in bold and the answers are in italics.

Describe what kind of consanguinamorous relationship you’re in, or have been in?
I am involved in a monogamous relationship with my biological son
Describe yourself, approximate age, what kind of person are you? What are your interests and hobbies?
I would say I’m just an average ordinary person. I’m soon to be 68 and look like a typical American woman. I try to keep myself in somewhat good shape. I think I’m a good person and always thought I was a good mother and I still do. I’m mostly a home body. We never really went out a lot and we just enjoy our home. I like too cook, read, watch TV.
How did it start, and what were your thoughts and feelings at the time?
My husband left soon after he was born and we were alone much of the time. He started having feelings for me in his mid teens but never acted on them. Once he graduated high school, I made a comment saying I need to see him as a man now. He took it in a different way and asked me out on a date. He was the perfect gentleman but at the end he kissed me. Not like a mother but like a woman.
We kissed for a second or two but then I pulled back and had to leave.
After I thought about it, I felt terrible I had rejected him so abruptly. I went back and spoke with him and told him it just took me by surprise and I had no idea he had those feelings for me. So I suggested we go on another date and I will be prepared. He said to me know one knows we kissed and no one has to know anything. I thought about his word  a lot.
We went out and ended up making out at the end of the night. That second date I started with the romantic feelings for him. He had felt my breasts and I really enjoyed it. The third date we had another talk and I just wanted to make sure this is what he really wanted and where it was leading and to make sure no one would ever know. After that date I said I’m going into my room and he could come if he wanted and we started our sexual relationship right then
How long have you been together, and what are your plans for the future?
We have been together 27 and a half years. I never thought it could last this long but it did and its for life now
Is your relationship legal where you are?
Yes it is He researched the incest laws in the USA and we moved to Rhode Island where any two consenting adults can have sex regardless of relationship
If you could legally marry, would you?
Yes we have said vows to each other just can’t be legal
What would you like to say to others who disapprove of your relationship, or who want people like yourself to be thrown in jail?
I am not hurting anyone. My son was an adult and we both can choose who and how we want to love. If you don’t agree that’s fine just leave us be
Describe the advantages and disadvantages of consanguinamorous relationships in your experience.
I’m with the man I have loved his whole life. We have love on so many levels. Its the perfect love I call it. I would love to introduce him as my son first then as I my husband but we are not at that point in society yet.
How do you feel about your relationship now?
I am proud of who I am and what I have become. I don’t consider our incest to be a dirty word and I have no issue saying I am an incest mother. I’m with the man I belong with. He just happens to be my son
Before you had this relationship, what were your thoughts and feelings about others who engaged in this type of relationship?
Honestly I was so naive I never really thought it existed. This was before the internet/ Incest always had me picturing a dirty old uncle or something like that
What are your thoughts and feelings about consanguinamory in general now?
Adult and Choice. As long as those 2 are followed I am all for it
What is it like, having to hide the truth from the world, and having to lie to people?
Been doing it so long its second nature now. My son has a good job and we can’t afford it to be known but I don’t deny or hide it when asked.
What would you like say to anyone who discovers a friend or relative in a consanguinamorous relationship?
As long as adult and consenting, its none of your business. Just leave them be
Is there anything else you want to add?
I always tell people to be prepared for what they are getting into. This is not a porno movie. It’s the real world. It is a wonderful loving situation. You feel more like a mother then ever before but it can be very challenging. But always communicate and you will be fine
Well folks, there you have it, the words of a strong and proud consang mother, after an incredible 27 years of love. Congratulations to both of them on the long term success of their relationship 🙂
If YOU would like to anonymously share your story with the world, check out this page for hints and tips, and read the other stories sent in to my website. Any submissions should be e-mailed to me at

When is pursuing a consang relationship a bad idea?

I realize that this may sound like an odd subject for an article on a pro-consanguinamory website, but there are some things which need to be said which I feel are important. I’m all for others finding joy in well adjusted and healthy consang relationships, but there are some circumstances in which a relationship should not be pursued, and that’s what this article is all about. Actually, most of the advice below would also apply to regular relationships too.

If either or both of you are underage

Then do not pursue a relationship until this is no longer the case. The age of consent protects vulnerable young people against the possibility of sexual exploitation, grooming, untimely pregnancies, and simply making bad choices which you may later regret.

While sibling exploration is relatively common, and usually non-abusive, it could lead to all the same problems as exploration with any other person your age, including pregnancy. If you’re a teen under legal age reading this and you think you might fancy a similarly aged sibling, take my advice: wait until you’re older. If you still feel the same way when you’re both of age, then by all means go for it, but now is not the right time for you. It may seem a long way off, but trust me, it’s not. If your love is genuine, it will still be there in a year or two. You have your whole life ahead of you, and there is no need to rush into these kinds of decisions.

Furthermore, if this is a possible parent/offspring situation, the importance of waiting is even more pronounced. Parents have legal powers over their children, and are responsible for looking after them. This in the overwhelming majority of circumstances would mean that the power imbalance would simply be too great. It could potentially lead to the underage party feeling unable to say no, and as we know, if you can’t say no then you can’t really say yes either. Such circumstances, even when not intended, could lead to harm. Therefore it would be wise to apply the blanket rule: The parent should never pursue a relationship with their underage son or daughter, nor accept any advances from them. As with siblings, if you still feel the same way once everyone is of age, then go ahead.

If either of you is currently in a relationship where monogamy is expected.

I’ve said it before on this site, but for the purposes of this article I will have to reiterate what I’ve already said. Don’t cheat on your partner behind his or her back, and don’t expect the relative that you’re wanting to be involved with to do it either. Cheats often get found out eventually, and under normal circumstances this would simply lead to the end of the relationship and possibly a messy divorce. If the person you cheated with is a close relative then the outcome could be so much worse than that. Potentially, your jilted partner could tell the police and then all hell breaks loose, and you could both end up in jail if they discover any evidence that the allegations are actually true. Also, it’s not fair to your current partner to be cheating anyway. If you no longer wish to be in that relationship, you should say so, do the right thing and end it, and do not string him or her along because that isn’t fair on either of you.

If you’re in a relationship already but it’s open or polyamorous, then there MIGHT be a way for you to move forward, depending on your current partners attitude towards consanguinamory. You obviously don’t want to go up and say something like ‘hey, I fancy my sister, is it okay with you if I ask her out?’ if you’re unsure of what kind of reception you’re going to get. Instead, I will advise you to tread carefully, before you actually pop the question, it might be advisable to refer to a story you read on the internet or saw on the news about some siblings who were being done for incest. Say you’re not sure why they bother to prosecute people for that because you think it’s wasting police time, or something along those lines. Then judge the reaction. If it’s very negative, then a relationship with your relative is off the cards, if it’s positive, then you can move forward but obviously tread gently.

If one of you has recently had a bad break-up or was the victim of an abusive relationship

I say this because when we’ve just come out of one relationship which was toxic, we’re emotionally vulnerable. In circumstances where either you or your family member was the victim of narcissistic abuse or domestic violence, it’s going to take some time to heal and get back to where we should be. Likewise it’s going to take time to trust again if the reason for the break-up was cheating.

In all circumstances where one of you is particularly vulnerable because of how you were treated by a previous partner, you need some time alone to gather your thoughts and heal your psyche. If you don’t have and take this time, you could have lingering unresolved issues which could manifest and destroy the new relationship. For instance, if you were cheated on, you may be driven to monitor and spy on your new partner even when such actions aren’t warranted. If you were physically, mentally or sexually abused by your ex, you may be ultra-defensive and dominant in your next relationship, or you may not assert yourself as much as you should. Neither of these things are normal or healthy, and this is why time and healing are so important for human beings to function as they should.

If you really want to be with a relative who has suffered with any of these issues, you should treat carefully and respect their boundaries. They’re going to need plenty of time and space. This may lead to your feeling pushed away and rejected, but it’s important that you respect this and allow them time to recover their sense of self and their confidence in themselves. You could even suggest therapy if your relative has been badly affected and it’s effecting their daily life. Don’t push the issue of a relationship with you, wait until they’re truly ready. It’s going to be hard for them to trust again, so you need to demonstrate that you are worthy of that trust. Remember, just because you’re family and a level of trust exists already between you, doesn’t mean that they’re going to be ready to trust you this far yet.

If the other person has already said that they’re not interested

Its a no-brainer really. If your relative has made it clear that they do not want to pursue a relationship with you, then continuing to flirt with them is violating their boundaries. My word of advice: Just don’t do it. Such things could be taken as sexual harassment by courts if the other person gets pissed off enough, which would mean at the very least a restraining order against you and a criminal record. Unrequited love is painful, I know, but there are healthier ways to deal with it. You could join a forum, or do things to take your mind off it. Also consider that being pursued constantly by somebody that you’re not interested in can be very unsettling and upsetting, and it could make you come across as a creep. If you really love your relative, you won’t do these things, you will respect their wishes and move on to greener pastures.

There are many reasons that a person may not be interested. The main one being that your relative might be a regular and thus the idea might disgust them, but some other possibilities also exist. A sister who is a lesbian will not be interested in dating her brother. A man who prefers younger women will likely not want to date his mother. Sometimes the reason is just that they see you as incompatible with them. Whatever the reason: no means no.

If their partner has recently died

Death is never a nice subject, and eventually it comes to us all. When it happens, comfort and time is what is needed for those left behind, and this especially applies to the partner of the deceased. Regardless of the cause of death, it can be very traumatic to lose somebody, and this puts people in a very emotionally vulnerable position. They’re unlikely to be open to a new relationship until they’ve gone through the grieving process and are ready to move on with their lives. This could take anything from six months to a couple of years, depending on how strong their relationship was when their partner was alive, and the manner in which they died.

Take all of this into consideration, and do not pursue somebody who is still grieving the loss of their partner.


I think most of what I’ve said in here should really be common sense for most people. It’s really about having empathy for others and knowing when is a bad time to approach somebody. It’s about right and wrong. I feel we must be absolutely clear on moral boundaries and respect for people. Respect is after all one of the fundamental building blocks for a healthy long-term relationship.

Welcome to the Library

You may notice something new on my website today, I’ve just added a menu item called The Library at the top of the site. Currently it has one submission from somebody I’ve been chatting to by e-mail for the last few weeks, but this Library is intended for the whole community, so don’t be shy if you wish to contribute.

Library Submissions may be either non-fiction, original fiction or fanfiction. The works may either be free or paid for, and I’ll specify which in the listings. So if you’re a talented writer who wants to earn from your stories, I don’t mind you charging for your work, and I won’t charge you for having your work listed. For obvious legal reasons, all fanfiction stories must be free of charge.

Now, another word on stories, whether original fiction or fanfiction. I will accept submissions which contain erotic or sexual content, however, I will not accept PWPs (porn without plot), or any material depicting underage characters in sexual situations. Such things go against the ethos of this site and the community as a whole, and we must set some reasonable standards whilst allowing free expression.

All that said, enjoy the Library 🙂

A young woman and her parents

Well folks, today I bring to you a story from a new KS member. She’s delighted to have found our community and was keen to share her story with us, thus helping others to realize that they aren’t alone in the world. She appears to be a very happy, outgoing and confident person in a delightful relationship with her parents. In the following interview, my questions are in bold font and her answers are in italics, just to make things clear for the readers.

Describe what kind of consanguinamorous relationship you’re in, or have been in? (for example, is it a closed or open relationship, which family member are you involved with, is it a heterosexual or homosexual relationship…etc?)

I am Kelly, a 24 year old female who has been actively involved with my mother and father from the time I was 19 years old. We are open in that the three of us are routinely sexual as a group, but I enjoy one on one time with both my mother and father. She and I are both bisexual.

Describe yourself, approximate age, what kind of person are you? What are your interests and hobbies?

I am 24 years old, brown hair, and petite. I consider myself to be very open to new experiences and I love the rare occasions when I can travel. I love to read and I am an unapologetic foodie!

How did it start, and what were your thoughts and feelings at the time?

It was a steady progression of mutual attraction between my parents and I for several years before we acted on it when I was 19. I am an only child and we were pretty casual about nudity when I was growing up. My attraction began at puberty and I soon saw my parents as sexual beings as well as my mom and dad. The first night we had sex as a family was when we were on vacation in The Dominican Republic. The drinking age is lower there and we all took advantage of the fact that we were staying in an all inclusive resort. We got back to our rooms and my parents started undressing in front of me and I began stripping as well. My parents started kissing and I kissed them, too. It was such a beautiful experience and we love playing together as a family to this day. I felt great about it then and I still do.

How long have you been together, and what are your plans for the future?

We have been together for the past 5 years. Four years ago I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. My father is the father, but we have no plans to tell her at this time. I live at home with my parents while I finish school. We will see what the future holds!

Is your relationship legal where you are?


If you could legally marry, would you?

No. I am happy with our current arrangement and I love my parents too much to disrupt their marriage.

What would you like to say to others who disapprove of your relationship, or who want people like yourself to be thrown in jail?

Live and let live. We are all consenting adults and no one is being mistreated. This works for us and it works for many other people, too.

Describe the advantages and disadvantages of consanguinamorous relationships in your experience.

Honestly, the sex is incredible, but, beyond that, I have never known this depth of love, acceptance and comfort with anyone else. I hate having to hide this from the rest of the world. I hate that something that feels so natural is considered a crime.

How do you feel about your relationship now?


Before you had this relationship, what were your thoughts and feelings about others who engaged in this type of relationship?

I was certainly intrigued by the idea of incest and I have always been curious about people who live this lifestyle.

What are your thoughts and feelings about consanguinamory in general now?

I feel that, so long as it is a consensual relationship, there is nothing wrong with it. I wish more families could know how loving and natural this is.

What is it like, having to hide the truth from the world, and having to lie to people?

Exhausting. I am so thankful to Jane for creating this safe space for like minded people to share their stories.

What would you like say to anyone who discovers a friend or relative in a consanguinamorous relationship?

Congratulations! I know very few people who know what they want and I know even fewer who allow themselves to have it. It always takes courage to live the life you want!

Is there anything else you want to add?

Not at this time, but ask me anything!

Okay, so it’s obvious from what she’s saying that she is consanguinamorous by orientation. She knew from her teens that these attractions existed for her, and during her adult life she has naturally slotted into this relationship with her parents. This isn’t uncommon in a non-GSA situation, as we don’t experience Westermarck Effect.

You know what’s sad, that these three people would get thrown into jail in so many countries. That people would label this happy and confident young woman a ‘victim’ when it’s obvious to anyone with an open mind that she is nothing of the sort. There are far too many assumptions about incest in general, but especially parent/offspring relationships. I hope that her story inspires more people to come forward in sharing their own stories.

As a side note, not many people have been interviewed for my blog, however, Keith has a very large section on his website dedicated to interviews he has done. Anyone who wishes to browse through his stuff can do so HERE.