Cristina Shy on Genetic Sexual Attraction

This amazing interview with my friend Cristina is now available, if you haven’t heard it already I would suggest you CLICK HERE and spare your ears for a little over half an hour, you’ll be glad you did. I would like to thank both Cristina and Michelle for producing this wonderful treat for us all… but that’s not all, next week she is going to be interviewing me too, and I’ll post a link to that one once it’s done and up.

I have created a permanent section for these interviews in Miscellaneous, where any such further materials may be added when new ones are created.

Tips for staying happy in a world that’s hostile

Although it’s a rather sad fact of life, a lot of people do not accept our sexuality as something that’s acceptable, and this can negatively impact our lives in a number of ways. That said, there are plenty of things we can do to help ourselves stay happier in a world that feels more like a minefield than a welcoming place.

AVOID HATERS – If you see an article that is likely to contain incestophobic bigotry, and you feel that you can’t handle it right now and you’re likely to be upset by what it contains, you don’t have to read it. Remember that although even idiots are allowed to have their say, it should not stop you from living and enjoying your truth to the fullest. If you’re already feeling down and hated upon, you don’t need to read more stuff that is going to reinforce that in your mind, what you do need is to build yourself up. Remember, their hate is not your problem, it is their problem, and people who hate on others in this way don’t know what they are talking about anyway.

HAVE HOLIDAYS IN OR MOVE TO CONSANG FRIENDLY COUNTRIES/PLACES WHERE NOBODY KNOWS YOU – I know, not everyone can afford it, but for those of you who can, go someplace for a week where your relationship is legal. Such short breaks away can recharge your batteries and give you the time as a couple to be yourselves without fear. If you can’t afford a trip abroad then even taking a trip to a place where nobody knows you will have the same rejuvenating effect. Having to watch your step all of the time can be exhausting, so these breaks every now and then are necessary for your mental health.

If you’re really struggling with this particular issue, then there is always the option of permanent relocation. You could, for instance, get a job there and use the job as a reason for the move. That way nobody is any the wiser, and you minimize the risk of being caught while allowing yourselves more freedom to actually be who you are.

BE KIND TO YOURSELVES – Never berate yourself or wish you were somebody or something different, instead find ways to truly celebrate your consang identity. You may not have chosen your sexuality, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be a negative thing in your life or something you wish would go away… it won’t. Love is love, and love is beautiful regardless of which form it takes. Consanguinamory is love on so many levels, allow yourself to be filled with love, and never fear to express it to your other half. Remember, different does not mean bad, it simply means ‘not the same as’.

GET SUPPORT ONLINE – Nobody should have to face all of the issues consang people face all by themselves, it’s a big bad world out there. One of the best things you can do for yourselves, whether you’re just starting out or have been together for years, is to join our forum Kindred Spirits. Just having a group of caring nonjudgmental people who are in the same boat as you, and who will understand you can make the world of difference. Whether it be to celebrate something great in your lives, or a shoulder to cry on in times of need. We all need such support from time to time and there is no place better than KS.

MINIMIZE YOUR RISK OF GETTING CAUGHT – I know it’s a pain, we can’t even hold hands in public for fear of getting found out and jailed. But establishing a few basic ground rules for your security is essential, basics like not flirting in public or sending each other sexual messages will help keep your nosey friends and neighbors in blissful ignorance. Check out my Ten rules to keeping your relationship a secret for more tips. Just observing such rules can make you feel more secure, and will have a positive effect on your state of wellbeing because you will feel less anxious.

MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER – This may sound obvious, and it’s essential for people in all types of relationship, but make sure you spend enough good quality time together where you can discuss things and resolve or iron our any issues you may be having. By this I mean TALKING, sitting together and watching a movie is a great and enjoyable thing to do, but it’s not what I mean here. Good communication and emotional intimacy is the basis for all healthy relationships, and it’s the same for consang people too. So take the time to enjoy each others company and appreciate each other fully, so that you’re both fullfilled emotionally, intellectually, sexually and spiritually. Also make sure that your work/life balance is in check (like not doing too much overtime unless you really need the extra money) and that you’re not doing opposite shifts unless this is strictly necessary (such as for the purposes of looking after the kids for instance), things like that can make a huge difference in how much quality time you are able to get. But for those of you who cannot manage a lot of time, just make the most of whatever time you do get.

TO SUM UP

There is a lot you can do to increase your own happiness as a consang person, you don’t have to feel like the victim of society or carry a chip on your shoulder. Surround yourself online with others who are the same as you and recognize your normality. We all deserve to love ourselves and be happy in love, we’re no exception to this rule. In short, we can enjoy our lives even through all the adversity we face, there is no reason why not. Actually, being happy and confident in ourselves is the ultimate fuck you to our haters, be bold, be YOU.

NEW: Petition for consang and poly rights in New Jersey

Again we have our friend and ally Richard to thank for this one, he really is a star when it comes to organizing these petitions, because this is an excellent way of giving us all the opportunity to show these governments that change is needed and wanted. So, if you want to make a difference: PLEASE SIGN HERE

As a reminder to everyone, there are other live petitions to sign too, so if you haven’t already done so, please check out this webpage for the list.

Mutant babies referenced again, this time in an animal cruelty case

Ok folks, this time we’ve got a case of inbred dogs who were suffering disabilities, but, let’s just tap into the article and analzye what’s been said:

A couple has been charged with animal cruelty after officials say they found 23 inbred dogs and puppies living in the family’s trash-strewn home on Winterton Road.

If there is trash everywhere, I doubt that the place is suitable for habitation by either human beings or animals. As sad as this is, it’s hardly surprising any more: animal charities rescue cats and dogs from filthy conditions all the time.

Chaboty said the cruelty charges relate to failure to provide necessary medical care to three dogs: Lady, a six-month-old female, determined to have a fractured pelvis; Bubba, a 6-month-old male with a severe ear infection; and a two-week-old male puppy with severe deformities and clear signs of malnutrition.

If the puppies were malnourished, then so were the bitches that carried them. At two weeks of age these puppies would have been dependant on mothers milk, if she was malnourished then it’s no surprise that her milk supply was not keeping up with the demand. Such malnutrition while they were in utero would have very likely contributed to skeletal abnormalities and fragility. While this could explain why one of those puppies had a fractured pelvis, such an injury could also have been caused by deliberate animal abuse, at this point we cannot rule it out.

Animal Control Officer Joanne Gerow said four of the puppies had to be euthanized due to the severity of their limb deformities and the likelihood of future severe medical issues.

Of course, this was the right thing to do because it prevented further unnecessary suffering, however I do not think we can blame these deformities on the inbreeding, it may or may not have been a contributing factor. But the fact that the dogs were malnourished and living in filthy conditions would have certainly had a bearing on the health of these pups, including their bone development. If they weren’t getting enough nutrition, then surely that would include the calcium needed for bone development.

“The vet is confident the deformities are due to the inbreeding,” Gerow said.

Like I said, it’s possible if the dogs were genetically unhealthy to start with, but the writer of this article COMPLETELY IGNORES the other factors which could contribute to abnormalities. Just like with people, animals born in a world of hunger and squalor fail to thrive and suffer a lot of medical problems, this shouldn’t surprise anyone.

The couple had started out with a male dog and a female dog, which were not neutered or spayed, officials said. The dogs bred, and some of their puppies eventually bred.

While it’s bad practice not to have your animals doctored if you’re not intending to breed them and/or are unwilling to care properly for a nursing bitch and her puppies, the fact that these dogs inbred at all should show anybody that incest exists in the animal kingdom, thus should be the final nail in the coffin for the idea that ‘it’s not natural’.

Building inspector Mary Grass issued violations against Nakdimen, citing an infestation of flies in the kitchen/dining room ceiling light, more than 30 bags worth of trash piled on and under the rear deck, and the unfinished basement converted to living/sleeping space without proper permits.

The couple’s children were allowed to stay in the home, as were two cats in satisfactory condition, officials said.

The conditions were THAT BAD and yet they allowed the CHILDREN to stay there? So, let me get this right: the conditions were too bad for the dogs, but okay for the kids? That makes no sense. Especially when you consider that the children of consanguinamorous couples, even when they’re kept in a clean, tidy, well fed, supporting and nurturing environment are routinely removed by social services. This only serves to prove that social services seem to care more about enforcing the letter of the law than actually advocating for and protecting the rights of children. Let’s just hope in this case that the children were better cared for than those poor dogs!

As a side note, I should mention that in the earliest days of getting a new pedigree of cat or dog established, breeders use both inbreeding and outbreeding to establish the desired traits in the offspring while ensuring enough genetic diversity to give the new pedigree a viable gene pool. The inbred generations in this process most often DO NOT suffer from deformities or disabilities, if they did, no new breeds could ever be established. The traits which the animal breeders are trying to get established are usually genetic mutations which first arose in just one animal, so without the inbreeding in the first few generations, it would not be possible to establish a whole new pedigree starting from a single animal with a random but desirable genetic mutation.

Menu Cleanup

Okay folks, I’ve streamlined the appearance of my website by sorting my menu items into categories. Nothing has been deleted it’s all still there, as you will see by quickly browsing through my new menu. I decided to do this because the top of the website was beginning to look much too crowded, and could be potentially confusing to new visitors to my site. Anyhow, I hope you like the new layout 🙂

Should I be worried if my partner is on a dating site?

Well folks, today I had this very brief but important question in my inbox:

‘My partner is on Tinder, should I be worried?’

Since the question is addressed to me, and not to one of the numerous agony aunt columnists out there for regulars, I can assume that the person who wrote me this is really asking this question within the context of consensual incest or GSA relationship.

As we know, Tinder is a dating site, and like all dating sites, it is used primarily by singles who are trying to find people to date. However, it’s my understanding that many of these sites also allow an option for people who simply seeking friends. I don’t personally know a great deal about what goes on in a dating site, having never felt the need to use one myself. However, I do understand that using such sites when one is already in a committed relationship could be potentially quite problematic (I am assuming here that this is a closed monogamous relationship).

The first issue this brings up is TRUST. In every functioning relationship there has to be trust between the two people involved, and when that trust is absent or broken it can bring anxiety, suspicion and jealousy into a relationship. This can be very destructive and make both parties feel miserable. Trust is also something which has to be earned, it isn’t just offered up on a silver platter, it’s built over time, and if it is destroyed it can take a lot of rebuilding. This goes without saying and applies to all kinds of relationship across the board.

So when is it a good time to trust and when is it NOT a good time to trust? That’s a difficult question, because there are so many possibilities on what can work right or wrong in a relationship… but in the context of a consang relationship where one person is using a dating site, the following needs to be considered:

  • Other than their presence on a dating site, is there any indication of current cheating? Things like being out all night with no explanation, going to nightclubs and places where people would ordinarily expect to find a date.
  • Has this person cheated before, and if so was it ages ago and long forgiven and forgotten, or recently? If there was any prior cheating, especially recent cheating then this is a very good and understandable reason to be concerned.
  • Have you seen the content on the dating site, or is this hidden from you? If things are being deliberately hidden from you, then of course this is going to arouse some suspicion. That said, people do need their own personal space, so in this area you need to find a balance that is right for both of you.
  • Is there communication with the people on the site kept on the site, or does the other person get calls or texts? Giving out real world info like phone numbers is a bit different than sharing a few messages with some screen name.
  • Apart from this one issue, how is the state of your relationship? If you’re otherwise happy then working through an issue like this should be straightforward, if not, then obviously you will need to address any other issues as well.

On the whole, relationships work best when each person tries to do what is right by their partner. Here, we need a balance where both partners feel not only secure in the relationship, but also trusted. Knowing that, how do so some people manage to feel insecure, even within the phenomenal double-love bond? What can be done to help?

Firstly, we shouldn’t minimize the fears that some people have. It could come from feelings of not being good enough/good looking enough/young enough/providing enough… all kinds of thoughts can crop into peoples minds which can make them fear losing their other half (especially if you have been cheated on in a previous relationship or marriage). In consang relationships if one person is already feeling insecure for all the normal reasons, there is the additional fear that the other person might go and find somebody else so that they can have a relationship they don’t have to hide! All of this comes into play and can lead to a lot of guilt and anxiety.

So, what should the tinder user do? If this person is simply looking for friendships, then surely a social media site such as facebook would be a more appropriate choice for not triggering such fears while still making friends. They might not be doing anything wrong on the dating site, or they might be, but even if they aren’t, the fact that this could be upsetting to you should be a cause for concern in itself. If the other person can keep such friendship seeking to social media and not on dating sites and delete their profile from tinder, then your part of the bargain would have to be not to pry or spy. All people need personal space, and if somebody doesn’t feel trusted then it’s going to cause more issues.

You’re fortunate enough to have the precious double-love bond that so few in the world can begin to understand. Make sure you honor each other with trust, and do not violate boundaries you have agreed to with each other. It’s about finding the balance that works uniquely for your relationship, and it needs clear and honest communication about where those boundaries are, making an agreement and sticking to it. You need to have a conversation about this because if you’re just sat there worrying it won’t do any good.

As with any other kind of relationship, cheating is not condoned, it’s immoral, and it is a violation of a promise. If you do find solid proof of any cheating, then you have the option to forgive the transgression, or to walk away. Ultimately the choice would be down to you, and neither option is easy. Hopefully, this isn’t the case and your fears are just that, fears.

I hope this helps 🙂

Starcrossed Blog

Here’s another one for your bookmarks folks, say Hello to Keke and her brand new blog Starcrossed. As always keep an eye on this one for new content, as right now it’s still under construction. Welcome to the team Keke and we all wish you success with your new blog. I’ve added this to ‘useful links’ as well to make it easier for people to find again if they forget to bookmark.

When people accuse us of being ‘mentally ill’

I’ve touched on this subject in some of my articles, but I felt it deserved an article all on it’s own. We’re all familiar with the armchair eugenecists who bang on and on and on about the discredited mutant babies argument, but there is another group who exhibit the same behaviour using an entirely different argument: armchair psychologists. These usually crop up in the form of media article columnists, and they exist too in the general population and often cite their opinions as basically agreeing with the armchair psychologists opinion: that all incest must be down to mental illness.

Now, how can some random person on the Internet, who doesn’t even know the couple they’re talking about, and who probably isn’t a qualified mental health professional (c’mon, how many journalists actually are?) possibly be equipped to make such a statement about that couple, or worse, extrapolate (from that tiny sample of one couple) and apply that to ALL people who are, or who have been involved in consensual incest or GSA? Putting it bluntly, it’s quite obvious that they can’t actually back up such statements with anything more than the appeal to common knowledge fallacy. Everyone knows people who do incest are mentally ill… right. Well, wrong. Everyone ‘knew’ that the Earth was flat, and look how accurate that belief turned out to be.

What’s even more interesting though, is analysing where such a widespread but inaccurate belief would have come from in the first place. So, let’s see what we can come up with, just free thinking here:

  1. Most people have a strong Westermarck Effect, rendering the idea disgusting. They do not know how or why we do not react in the same way. This misunderstanding leads to the assumption of mental illness.
  2. The assumption that family dynamics and romance are not compatible without the family bond being compromised or without some kind of unhealthy power play. So basically it’s not understanding double-love.
  3. The assumption that mentally healthy people do not have these kinds of relationships, therefore anyone who does must have a mental illness.
  4. The assumption that common knowledge on the subject is common knowledge because it is correct
  5. The assumption that incest has something to do with pedophilia (which is unhealthy adn evil in the extreme), backed up by media stories of adults who sexually abuse their children. This is a guilt by assoication logical fallacy.

So, what we can reasonably take from this is that there is a lot of assuming going on, and that because the assumptions are incorrect, people cannot help but leap to the wrong conclusion. Much of the problem here is lack of accurate information, not to mention a lack of genuine healthcare professionals who will touch the subject of consensual incest with a bargepole! Add to that, most people are more comfortable not having their worldview rocked, which is likely a good part of the reason it took so long for people to become generally supportive of gay marriage.

It can be quite tricky to get people to challenge these assumptions within themselves, because it is done largely on a subconscious level. All people absorb the general views and attitudes of the culture in which they live, without ever really thinking about it. Therefore, the prevailing views in society tend to be based upon whatever assumptions (rightly or wrongly) hold them up. The old saying ‘garbage in, garbage out’ applies here. Enter wrong assumptions and you get wrong conclusions out.

Sadly, challenging these assumptions underlying the prevailing attitude won’t be easy, for the very reason that the subject is so emotive for so many people. People become more irrational and closed minded the greater the emotional charge. Some people are able to see past their own gut reaction and societal programming and recognize that there are areas in which they may be wrong (including this one), but oftentimes they are so convinced of their own accuracy that it’s as if they have an automatic ‘mute’ button for all opposing opinions, even if those opinions are backed up with evidence of some kind.

All we can do is carry on doing what we’re doing, fighting the good fight and educating the public. This is easier said than done of course, but knowing where these reactions come from and challenging these assumptions is something that will make our work somewhat easier. What would however make a dramatic difference is if some REAL mental health professionals decided to study us, in countries where consensual incest is legal of course. Their findings would be beneficial in proving conclusively that consanguinamory is NOT a form of mental illness, but is a normal and natural expression of human sexuality. Until such studies are conducted, I think it’s going to be tough going trying to actually prove to people beyond reasonable doubt that there is nothing wrong with us, and we do not need fixing.

A bigot from Australia, with extra homophobia

Well, like always it’s same old shit different day, on this particular occasion we turn our eyes to an Australian politican. Let’s see what’s been written about this guy:

The Australian has reported that a WA candidate representing Pauline Hanson’s One Nation previously suggested that allowing marriage equality would lead to polygamous marriages and brothers and sisters marrying.

So basically, seeing one harmless minority get equal rights (LGBT people) must necessaily lead to other disenfranchized harmless minorites (poly and consang couples) getting equal rights too. I fail to see why this is a bad thing. Let’s not mince around the implications here, according to this idiot, if you’re not a heterosexual monogamous regular, you don’t deserve equal rights. I think I speak for us all when I call bullshit on that.

The Australian has uncovered what they describe as an “online rant” from the politician where he suggests allowing same sex couples the right to wed will lead to ““multitudinous marriage” and “sibling marriage”.

Again, why would this be problematic? In truth this is an appeal to disgust in disguise, getting possible agreement from his readers by appealing directly to their own prejudices. However I would say that a prejudice like this becomes no more respectable or rational regardless of the number of people holding it.

The candidate also suggested that countries where marriage equality has been legalised such as Canada and New Zealand must think that heterosexuality is abnormal.

Really? I am British, and gay marriage has been allowed for quite some time here, and nobody thinks of heterosexuality as ‘abnormal’ it’s just ‘what most people do’. He really should get out more and see more of the world.

In a post that now has been deleted form his blog Slater allegedly said; “legalising same sex marriage will open the door to compulsory homosexual teachings in homes, schools and churches, thereby confusing children, students and congregations because heterosexuality will not be recognised as normal”.

Teaching children not to be bigots against gay people is important, it’s about teaching them to be decent human beings and to accept peoples differences. It won’t confuse them, or make them gay. Being taught about LGBT people as part of sex ed did my generation no harm. Now, if we could get the law changed, and get not just LGBT, but polyamory and consanguinamory added into the sex ed classroom, then we would have a decent chance of ridding the world of most of this type of prejudice.

Slater told The Australian that he stood by the comments and that he was simply defending the law.

Actually no, this is called backing up a nonsensical bigoted law with more bigotry. Hopefully the Australian people will reject these comments for the bigoted nonsense they are.

As usual, the bigot never does answer WHY he thinks that LGBT rights leading to poly and consang rights is a bad thing. Perhaps he has no answer other than his personal disgust, but surely such disgust should be left at the door of parliament when it comes to allowing other people to have their human rights. In fact, I believe that failing to do so is nothing short of emotional and intellectual immaturity. When I read this, my first thought was ‘what an idiot’.