It just happens!

Many outsiders might be wondering ‘how the hell does something like this happen?’ Oftentimes people are weirded out and believe that we consciously chose a family member to pursue a relationship with, and then question that ‘choice’. This article exists to highlight the fact that nobody chooses this, it is something that happens randomly with us.

Let’s do a little thought experiment, imagine that you live in the 1950s, and imagine that you can choose your sexual orientation. Considering the hostility against homosexuals at the time, the beatings and verbal abuse, the possibility of imprisonment and being placed on the sex offenders registry. Would you have chosen to be gay or straight if you had a say in the matter at the outset?

Let’s skip forwards 66 years to now. Imagine that you were able to choose who you fell in love with. Considering the hostility against consensual incest right now, the lynchmob mentality and verbal abuse, and the possibility of imprisonment and being placed on the sex offenders registry. Would you currently CHOOSE to be consanguinamorous?

Of course, in the above two scenarios, nobody would actively CHOOSE to belong to a sexual orientation that went so against the grain that it disgusted people to the core and caused so much hate. Who would want to invite such hate? Nobody, that’s who. It was ridiculous for people to claim homosexuality is a choice, and it is equally ridiculous for people to claim that consanguinamory is a choice.

Now put yourself in the shoes of somebody who has just met their family member for the first time ever as an adult because of adoptions. They meet the person and spot so many uncanny similarities, physically and often in mannerisms and preferences. They share their stories and form a deep connection to their long lost relative. They form a family bond during this process, and about 50% of the time, one or both of the newly reunited relatives experience an intense attraction in the absence of the Westermarck effect, which only occurs when being raised in proximity to others. They have this double love, both as family and as lovers. This is Genetic Sexual Attraction,  more common than people realize. Would you choose to experience GSA, or to avoid it if possible? Those who have experienced it where the feeling is mutual and a relationship has formed often have mixed feelings, both of having this incredible bond, and of feeling guilty for feeling that way knowing that it’s their genetic relative that they have fallen for. Many GSA couples would like the law to change because it is stigmatizing people who have fallen in love because of a separation. They didn’t ask for these feelings and at times they wish that they didn’t have them because of the social stigma it invites. Well then folks, remove the stigma and remove the problem!

But what of good old fashioned Non-GSA incest? Well, I have personal experience of that, and have spent the better part of my adult life communicating with others who have. We have a very weak or even an absent Westermarck effect. So if we find the traits of a family member very desirable it can and does lead to relationships. We see a particular family member in a whole new light. I remember how that was when I began to see my dad as a potential boyfriend. I considered how I wished all men were like him. I loved his sense of humor, that cheeky smile, the views he held, his taste in TV and movies, (well, except the westerns), and his chilled out and friendly attitude. I found myself falling a little more in love with him every day. I fought it so hard, I kept telling myself ‘Good God, Jane, He is YOUR DAD!… snap out of it!’ But I didn’t snap out of it… it became obvious he felt the same way, and LOVE HAPPENED. I didn’t ask it to, nor did he. I loved him deeply both as my father, and the way a woman loves a man. It was not the contradiction you may think, for us these roles complimented and even strengthened each other. Yet we knew the world would never understand. EVERYONE I have spoken to over the years who has experienced Non-GSA incest has reported similar, the conflicted feelings and the overwhelming double love. Nobody asks for it, oftentimes at the start we wish we could delete our feelings… but there is no app for that.

My point is that LOVE JUST HAPPENS. It is not something anybody chooses any more than anyone chooses to fall in love with anyone. Did you consciously select your last partner, or was it something that happened naturally? Think about it for a moment. Would you have consciously chosen your current partner if he or she was off limits because of a strong social taboo? No, I didn’t think so.

For this reason, it is sensible and morally necessary to end this ridiculous and incessant campaign of state endorsed incestophobia, and allow us to live our lives in peace. Nobody chooses who they fall in love with… I certainly never consciously chose my dad, but after such a wonderful and beautiful experience, I WOULD NOT CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLD. It is not we who must change, it is the attitudes of the world.