Is it wrong?

Society tells us that having a relationship with a family member is wrong, disgusting, perverted and sick. It condemns us, it persecutes us, and at times it throws us in jail, often with sentences being similar to that for murderers, all because we love somebody we ‘shouldn’t’. Yet these people who both make and support such oppressive laws don’t even bother to check whether that condemnation is necessary.

The vast majority of people are adverse to the idea of having a relationship with a close family member, just thinking of it makes them feel very uneasy. There are a number of reasons for this: Firstly, they too have been programmed to believe that such relationships are inherently bad, destructive and unhealthy. Second, society cites outrageous (and entirely fictional) examples of three headed babies and such as what happens when people do not obey the rules. Thirdly, most people just aren’t naturally wired up for consanguinamory. Fourth, people assume that because it’s against the law, it’s bad, and that it’s bad because it’s against the law! A fine example of circular logic, but there you go. Fifth, people assume that it’s inherently abusive and that it can’t possibly happen without one person abusing another. The fact that people only tend to hear about ‘incest’ from news stories which depict such abuse confirm rather than dispel the myth in the public perception.

The truth is, there are many happy, well adjusted and intelligent consanguinamorous people in the world. Consider this: Imagine that you were living next door to a hypothetical average couple with a couple of kids. They’re friendly, they go on trips at the weekend, they have friends over, they do the mundane day to day stuff together, they take the dog for a walk, do the school run morning and afternoon, and they do their grocery shopping together. They’re a happy couple in a strong relationship, they’re making plans for the future, they’re buying a house and a car, and progressing in their careers. Pretty average you’d say, and you’d be right. What if that couple was also brother and sister? Would that make them any less nice average people? Do they suddenly morph into complete monsters and perverts just because they’re related? Of course not! They were average before we knew about it, they were related and in my mind they are still average after we knew.

Let’s analyze some of the things that people assume to see if those assumptions have any basis in reality, and believe me I’ve heard a lot of so called ‘reasons’ why people shouldn’t have these relationships during my years on the Internet.

It’s gross. At least according to the general population, and to them it probably is, but then all individuals have varied sexual preferences, and what is gross to one person is preferable to somebody else. Since gross is in the eye of the beholder, I would say that this is NOT a valid argument for banning something. The same argument was made time and time again back when sodomy was illegal.

It’s impossible to love a family member in that way without messing up the family dynamic. Why? Just because it’s outside the scope of one’s imagination and experience doesn’t mean that holds true for everyone. Many of us can, and do, have these relationships and still leave the family relationship intact. The romance is an add-on to, and a deepening of the existing family bond, it is not separate. Just because somebody chooses to begin a relationship with their family member does not mean that the family relationship disappears, far from it.

It’s harmful to the persons involved.  Consanguinamorous relationships are like any other type of relationship, their quality depends on the people involved, not whether they are related or not. In fact, the only harm that happens is the shame that they are forced to feel by society’s ignorant and persecutory attitudes towards them.

Allowing incest will be harmful to society. Why? It certainly wasn’t the case in ancient Egypt, where a substantial percentage of the population was in consanguinamorous marriages. I just can’t see how permitting people to have a relationship with their loved ones would result in any kind of societal cataclysm. Similar arguments were made against the legalization of homosexual sex, and no such cataclysm happened when the gay rights movement finally secured the end of legal persecution of gay people.

It would change society itself very little to permit us our rights, but it would make the whole world of difference for consanguinamorous couples the world over to not have to hide or be fearful of discovery any more.

Laws are there for a reason. The law is intended to be a best fit for most people most of the time. That doesn’t mean that the law is always right, as a matter of fact there is a whole bunch of stupid laws on the books across the world right now. They can and do get it wrong sometimes, and this is one example. Consanguinamorous relationships are only illegal because there is a lot of ignorance about what these relationships are really like. This is one issue I am trying to address with this website.

It’s immoral. That depends on ones definition of immoral. I think that hurting other people is immoral, stealing, lying and cheating are immoral. But unconventional love? It’s not immoral in the eyes of many for people for people who are clearly in love with each other to express that love.

Who made lawmakers the arbiter of right and wrong anyway? If consanguinamory feels wrong to you, then it is wrong for you, but is not wrong for others who feel differently.

In my personal opinion, forcing ones will on others by denying them their rights is immoral because it is unwarranted control over other human beings. These laws destroy some peoples lives by throwing the book at them, and make other lives a misery by making people hide who they truly are or face the consequences. To me it’s the persecutions and prosecutions that are immoral, not the incest.

It’s a sin against God. That depends on your religious beliefs. If you are fortunate enough to live in the West where there is religious tolerance, the laws of no religion should be enshrined by the state. Yes, the Bible does condemn incest in Leviticus, but the same book also condemns eating pork, and wearing clothing made from more than one type of fabric. My point is that we have to respect each others lifestyles and choices, and allow every person the freedom to express themselves. I believe in God, but I also believe that God is not against love in all its diversity of expressions. If nobody is hurting anyone else, where is the sin?

Ever wondered where Cain found his wife, considering that Adam and Eve were supposedly the only humans on the planet? Logically it can only have been a consanguinamorous relationship with his mother, whom he would have had to share with his father Adam in a polyandrous triad. Furthermore, Abraham’s wife was Sarah was also his sister, and there is no condemnation here, since Abraham was a prophet. If Consanguinamory was good enough for a prophet, it’s good enough for anyone else, surely. Maybe some people don’t know enough about the Bible to realize that there are differing interpretations on these sorts of issues. It’s all very interesting, but like I said, it’s hardly a basis for sound lawmaking.

So there you have it! There is no solid basis whatsoever for the condemnation of consanguinamorous relationships. It’s all a matter of misperception by the public and the lawmakers. I hope if little else, this gave you food for thought.

If you’re in a relationship with a family member, let nobody put you down or tell you it’s ‘wrong’. You’re not mad, bad or sick, you’re normal with a small difference. You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong, stay true to yourself and your loved one, because while society may not understand or accept you, this community does and will. Go to the links section and see for yourself.