I’m writing this article after exchanging several PMs over at Kindred Spirits with a young lady who is involved with her cousin through GSA. She has been telling me that she has noticed some unsettling trends on some forums which are exclusively for the support of cousin couples. There are many issues involved so I thought it would be useful to do an article about this subject.
Throughout the world, attitudes differ towards how to regard cousins, especially first cousins, being together. In much of the world such relationships are legal and the participants are allowed to marry; and in some other places they are illegal and are defined as incest by the law. Even in the united states, cousin couples may be able to settle and marry in some states, and yet would be thrown in jail in other states. Doesn’t this division show how ridiculous and arbitrary such laws are? Furthermore, shouldn’t this make at least some people in the legislative parts of government stop and think, ‘well if cousins can have a happy and healthy relationship and lead productive lives, why not people who are more closely related?’ It should, but it just doesn’t seem to work that way.
My friend has noticed that on some forums for cousin couples, that such couples tend not to think of themselves as ‘incest’ couples. Yet they ARE both family and lovers… I think it depends on how one is to define ‘incest’. I would define it as sexual relationships between people who are blood related, and who think of themselves as BOTH family and lovers to each other. In other words, yes, cousin couples are a form of consanguinamory in my opinion. It just shows how strong the taboo against incest actually is that even cousins are shy to be considered a form of it.
The sad truth is, that their argument that their relationships are ‘not incest’ lacks any serious credibility when they they experience the same love and face the same discrimination in many places as the rest of us! Wouldn’t it be better for the cousin couples to work with us in securing equal rights for ALL consanguinamorous couples, not just cousins? I certainly think that it would be preferable for everyone.
Some of them claim to be disgusted by the idea of having a sexual relationship with anyone more closely related that first cousins, some of them probably are, but shouldn’t it at least be within the realm of their imaginations that such relationships can be happy and healthy (if it’s possible for cousins, why not for a brother and sister, or parent and offspring?)… after all, the disgust that some of these cousin couples feel towards ‘incest’ is the very same disgust that some of society levels against the cousins themselves… and for the same reasons. I really think that everyone tolerating each others sexual differences is what we should all be aiming for, not finger pointing or hating others who think and love differently.
We’re all in it together and if people are going to be hating depending on how closely related people in these relationships actually are, then all that’s happening is completely useless and counterproductive arguing and sniping. How is that going to help cousins OR other forms of consanguinamorous couples achieve equal rights? It won’t.
I realize these issues are sensitive, but I wanted to put forward my take on them and I want to call for solidarity within the community at large, not bickering over whether one kind of consanguinamory is okay and another not okay… ALL consanguinamory is okay and should be legal. That’s my point.