30th Sept 2015

Adopting Love

From Full Marriage Equality, the mother of a previous couple talks about her own relationship:

I live with my brother right now. […] He was officially adopted by my family when he was two. He was one of two children adopted by my family, the other one was of my sisters. I was not adopted. […] [We’re not married but w]e did have a family-only event where we just told the place we are a couple that wanted to renew our vows. It was a small event with only the two of us and my three kids.

[…] I was only eight months older than him, so growing up we attended the same grade. Growing up we did stand up for each other at times, but mostly we had a normal relationship; arguing, teasing. […][I]t was gradual. By the time he was in college, we knew we wanted to be with each other. Once he graduated college, I moved in with him and we started our physical relationship and raising my sons.

[…] Well unlike most people I never had an inherit lack of sexual attraction to some of my brothers, and I did have fantasies about a few of them. I even liked catching them changing clothes, and talking them into skinny-dipping in the family pool.

I did kiss one of my other brothers once. This back in eighth grade for me and he just got his first car. We did not do anything more than a quick kiss. I would have liked to do more, but he did not want to. I also remember asking my sister which one of our brothers she thought was the cutest, and that’s when I started to realize that most people have the Westermarck Effect.

[…] When we make love, I don’t think of it as taboo. It just feels right to me and him. […] We have been together for almost 20 years now.  We both think of each other as lovers first and siblings second. 

[…] My oldest brother knows and did not take it well and thought I must have molested my foster brother, or that this was just a sign that we both needed therapy. After a while, he did calm down and he has kept it a secret for us.

[…] When we go on vacations we just say we are a married couple, and so far everyone buys it. It’s rather easy since he does not look that much like me and our children, but close enough that we pass. I think that we have a great relationship with each other after all, how many people can stay married for 20 years?  My twin sons have also been together for a long time as well. Also, since we grew up together it means we knew so much about each other before we even became a couple. I just wish I could be open to the whole world. We do plan to retire somewhere that no one knows us so we can be a couple.

[…] We are adults and we love each other.  Neither of us are sick and we were not abused by our parents or by each other. I personally really hate the argument that one of must be abusing the other and I have gotten that argument from one of my own brothers.

If their secretiveness seems unnecessary, it shouldn’t. In many states, including their own, marriage between adoptive family members is prohibited, and sex between adoptive family members is considered identical to sex between genetic relatives. Her sons may be twins, while she and her brother are only adoptive siblings, but as far as the law is concerned there is no difference. All are “guilty”.

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