30th Mar 2015

Do not talk to the police

Consanguinamorous, polyamorous, and queer people can run into serious legal problems in certain countries. Full Marriage Equality has written some advice for consanguinamorous people, but it needs a serious addendum.
Never, ever, ever say anything to the authorities when you’re being questioned, unless you have a prior written promise of immunity. Remember, from the Miranda warning: “Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law.”
The laws on self-incrimination are different from country to country, so if you’re not in the US, look into your country’s legal protections. It may save your life, and the lives of your family.

We Get Letters of Appreciation

At Full Marriage Equality:

I would really just like to thank you for the wonderful support you offer with your blog. The past few weeks I’ve been scrolling through it as often as possible, reading story upon story, interview upon interview of people just like [name redacted] and I. I find it very comforting. The fact that she is my aunt doesn’t frighten me anymore.

I don’t think I ever admitted it to her, but being related somewhat made me scared for myself before. Experiencing GSA, I think, is both a blessing and a curse in some ways. The reality I choose to focus on is that I have my love, [name redacted], and that we share a bond that is so wonderfully strong that neither of us can fully explain it to anyone who truly knows about us. That is what matters the most in my heart. We’ve given up too much for one another in order for this to work to consider anything else to be a reason not to love one another and be together.

However, in the back of my mind I feel sad sometimes knowing that I have to lie to my father if I want him to love me. I know he would disown me/do everything in his power to make this miserable for me/try to get us into trouble with the law if I told him. My relationship with my father hasn’t ever been super strong, but we’re finally on speaking terms and he’s making an effort to show me he loves me. In some ways, I feel like I am betraying his trust because I am lying to him so often. I’m afraid to even tell him I am gay. The fact that I am in love with my half-aunt has to stay secret for the rest of my life. I feel sad in my heart that we can’t share the amazing truth of our love for each other with our friends for fear that they will judge us without ever truly understanding.

Other than [name redacted], there aren’t a lot of people I can trust and talk to openly about my feelings. You may be just a faceless name on the Internet, but reading your blog has helped me feel like maybe someday [she] and I will be allowed to freely and openly love one another without limitation or fear of judgment. Someday there will be no reason for the fears in my heart, because there will be no reason to fear. I hope that day comes soon. Someday I hope [she] and I can openly tell the world the story of our love and how beautiful it was: how we met, how we fell in love–how I loved her without even knowing it, and how she loved me before I knew she did–the hard times, the good times, and the reason all of the trouble was worth it in the end.

No one will ever love me or understand me the way she does. The level of trust we have for one another is immeasurable–if we ever lose the romance in our relationship, we both trust we can remain supportive and friendly and close, because we are related. She is my aunt. I will always love her no matter what happens to us. I can talk to her about anything in the world and I know that she will listen and she will trust me to listen to her.

I’m incredibly glad she found your blog all those years ago and became comfortable enough with her attraction to me to be patient enough to wait for me to realize I loved her back. If it hadn’t been for you, I’m not sure she and I would be in the wonderful place we are now. Thank you.