29th May 2015

A Slowly Simmering Love

From Full Marriage Equality:

I grew up in Michigan near lots of rivers and lakes, which has been a lot of fun for me because most of my hobbies involve being outside. […] My childhood was pretty typical. I had a Mom and Dad, two younger sisters, and a younger full brother. “Ryan”, my older half-brother, lived with his mother. My Dad had signed over his rights to him. Ryan’s mother’s husband at the time adopted him and he moved to another state when I was still very young. I was a nerd in school because I wore rock t-shirts and ripped-up jeans. I kind of got picked on for it until the punk rock revival we had and I started playing in bands as a bass player. […] I’ve [been] operating heavy machinery for five years now. I’m kind of a tomboy.

[…] Ryan and I are currently in a relationship and hoping to get married in the fall. Since our father is not on either one of our birth certificates we may have found our loophole for that.

[…] We did not meet for the first time, really, until about 15 years ago. He’s seen me as a baby, but I have no memory of that, of course. […] His mother made it really hard to get a hold of him, but eventually he got one of my letters and he was able to arrange a visit here. I was excited about meeting my brother. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected to fall so in love with him at first sight. I didn’t say anything about it, fearing he would be offended or grossed out. After a week, he went home. I didn’t find out until years later he had felt the exact same way I did.

[…] One night last October we were talking [on Facebook] about past relationships and how they were horrible; talking about all the things we had in common. He asked me why there couldn’t be any cool girls like me where he was and something in me just snapped and I figured, “What the Hell?” and went for it. It wasn’t like we ever saw each other in person. I wanted to finally know if it was just me who wanted this once and for all, so I typed “We could you know…” leaving it wide open. He bit. A month later I was picking him up at the bus station and sharing our first kiss in the terminal.  We’ve been together every day ever since. I had even gotten him a job working with me before I had to quit.

[…] I have never had any feelings like this for any other family member. […] I think my feelings for Ryan might have been made possible because we didn’t grow up together. I have heard the term Genetic Sexual Attraction before, and that might be it. I don’t know.  The way I feel about him I think it’s possible we might have ended up together any way. When I asked Ryan about it he said he’d like to think so.

[…] I wouldn’t describe our sexual relationship as kinky whatsoever. It’s passionate and very loving. Neither one of us have ever been kinky. In fact, I have been called vanilla in the sack. I took that as a polite way to say I was boring. I like to think of it as traditional. It is the best sexual relationship I have ever been in. I feel loved, respected and appreciated, where in other relationships I felt used. I want to spend the rest of my life with only him. I know he feels the same way.

There was a short time I thought a little about the taboo aspect of it and it bothered me a little but that was only because after confiding with my sister she told my Dad, he freaked out and disowned me. I got over it quickly and just didn’t care what anyone thought about it anymore. I can’t help who I love and nor do I wish too. […] My dad has since gotten over it for the most part and has since apologized for how poorly he reacted and treated us.

[…] There were only a couple people we told initially, people we knew would accept us. I have a bisexual swinger friend, and she the first person we told. Also, a friend from work and his daughter who is also bi were people we told and were extremely supportive. My mother guessed it right away and told us she wasn’t surprised because when he came to visit years ago she could see the chemistry even though we couldn’t, really. The rest of the family knows because my dad told everyone. No one really talks about it and just ignores us, which is just fine with me. We never really talked to the rest of the family much any way.

[…] We act like a normal couple in public. We are beyond the point of caring what others think anymore. My home town is small and by now I’m sure most people I know have an idea of what’s going on, but they don’t say anything. […] We haven’t made it completely public, like on Facebook, yet. We want to, but are still a little leery of rubbing it in people’s faces, so to speak. They will eventually find out when I post wedding pictures, if they hadn’t found out by then.

[…] I think it’s funny that someone would think one of us would be preying on the other. We are both well into adulthood, and had a lot of time to think about this before either one of us acted upon it. 15 years is a long time to contemplate something as big as this. Anyone who disapproves of my relationship can just keep to themselves. Their opinion could never change how we feel about each other. We aren’t hurting anyone. […] I’m sure if I tried hard enough, there would be plenty if things I didn’t like about their lifestyle. I see a lot if people knocking others for doing what makes them happy. Maybe they should do more of what makes them happy? If you don’t like it, ignore it.

[…] We don’t have children and don’t plan in having any, but if we did I think they would turn out just fine. I would not be worried about any birth defects. However, in the unlikely event we had children with birth defects, we would deal with it like any loving parents would and have. That type of thing happens to people not in consanguineous relationships, too.

[…] Our plans for the future are pretty exciting. My mother, Ryan, and I are planning on starting a business that centers around herbal healing as well as a library that’s oriented around spiritual healing and the metaphysical. It was a dream my mother had with her fiance, who just recently died of cancer. We are planning a yearly benefits in his honor to fund the project and already have tons of people on board.