27th Apr 2015

A Longtime Marriage Denied Equal Treatment Under the Law

From Full Marriage Equality:

I am 65 years old live in the New England area. I am 100% Italian and have some college education. I have one sister and only one son who is 43 now. I live a normal life. Still working in a small doctors office where my life is private. I live with my son. […] [We’ve been in a relationship for 25 years. My son and I are not married legally, but he] and I said our vows to each other years ago, privately. […] I have a long-time girlfriend that knows all about my relationship with my son.

[…] [I had] a normal childhood. I grew up in the city in an Italian community. We weren’t rich by any means but not poor either. […] I got divorced when [my son] was three and raised him alone. We were never separated.

[…] [The development] was gradual. We went out one night, and it felt like a date more then anything else. At the end, he said “I feel like I should kiss you.” And I said it was OK as long as it was between us. So we kissed. A second night, we went out again. We pulled in our garage and made out in the car.

[…] I was confused I guess at first. I was wondering “Where is this going to go?” Then I got incredibly turned-on and felt guilty. I felt like this going to keep him from living his life. But my mind was filled with thoughts of making love to him. I know I couldn’t stop them. So we had a long talk. I wanted to make sure this is what we both really wanted. He kept saying over and over he did. My mind was still spinning. He reached out and felt my breasts and I just gave in to it. I asked him into my bedroom and he never left. [laughs]

[…] We live as a married couple but worked on keeping on the mother/son part too. The two roles are inseparable. I am his mother and his wife. He is my best friend, my husband in every way but legally, my lover and he happens to be my son too. I know he feels the same about me.

[…] [The only other person I have sex with is] with my long-time girlfriend mostly now. When I was younger we did go to a few swingers clubs. The ones we told were all fine with it. We also had sex in front of another mom and son couple we know. […] It is by far the best sex ever. Even after 25 years! We still make love as a mother and son. It feels as natural as anything in the world.

[…] I had to tell my sister. We had many many talks, and it took a long time, but she has come to accept it. A small group of friends know, but mostly we appear as a married couple. […] I was older, so that played into [our lack of children]. I was pregnant a few times but never could carry the pregnancy.

[…] I have helped and encouraged others over the years. People are starting to realize how wonderful it can be. How can anyone tell me or try to make me think this is wrong? It’s not. What two consenting adults do is their business. We are lucky. We live in a state where its not illegal. We just can’t get married and I hope that gets changed someday, too. […] I think as this gets more and more out in the open and commonplace, people ideas will change and it will be accepted. Maybe not be in my lifetime but, I believe it will one day.

[…] People ask me how we lasted so long. It’s like any other relationship. You have to work at it. Communication is especially important. I see so many think it’s just about sex. There is so much more to it.