A Man From Kindred Spirits
One of the things I’d like to point out, going in, is how when society and the government force people into the closet, it doesn’t necessarily change their behavior, but just makes them more secretive. The best that can be expected is that they’re forced to live a lie in fake marriages. When those marriages fall apart, it hurts everyone involved. Forcing homosexuals to marry the opposite sex will just cause increased angst for all the heterosexuals unknowingly marrying them.
Similarly, when consanguinamorous people marry to meet social expectations or throw off suspicion, they frequently end up cheating on their spouses, and eventually divorcing. These kinds of sham marriages are probably not what “family values” “conservatives” have in mind when they’re promoting “traditional marriage”, but they’re the inevitable result.
My mother and I have been in a sexual relationship going on 15 years now […]. At the time my step father was dying of cancer, and my mother was in a very lonely, dark place.
It all began when my step father was diagnosed with stage 5 melanoma cancer. My siblings and I had all moved out of state years ago, and my mother was left with the burden of caring for my step father during the evenings, being [that] she was a nurse. During the day, Hospice took care of my step father while my mother worked a full time job as a nurse.
It started with a phone call every week to a couple of days, when he was initially diagnosed with cancer. Our conversations were pretty predictable at first as we would talk about my step father, and his treatments. My mother was doing her best to optimistic, but he was given a year to live at most so, she knew his time was limited.
As the months wore on, my mother’s phone calls became more frequent, and our conversations began to shift to subjects such as her fears of losing my step father with no one around to comfort her, to dating, and eventually sex. It was a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject of sex with her, but with no one around to talk to, she confided in me how much she missed sex.
By the time September came around, my mother and I had become quite comfortable discussing things of a sexual nature. We both began to share things we both enjoyed about sex, and that is when I discovered my mother was a very sexually charged woman. It wasn’t long before we were sharing intimate details about our sex lives.
When my step father’s condition worsened in October, I booked a plane ticket to go home to visit for Thanksgiving for a week. For the first time in months, my mother’s spirits were lifted at the news of my visit for the Holidays. It had been nearly four years since I had been home […] to see my mother since moving out of state, and she was excited in a way that only a mother could be about seeing her son.
As soon as we met at the airport, and she embraced me in a long hug, followed by a quick kiss on the lips, I knew something was different. There was a type of… tension between us, a type of sexual tension as we left the airport with her arm in mine.
That night when we sat down to watch TV, and my step father was asleep in his room, my mother put on a small pink bath robe that revealed a fair amount of cleavage, and came halfway down her thighs. It had been years since I had seen so much of my mother’s body, and I had to admit she looked good with a little weight in all the right places giving her a very supple figure.
When she sat down on the sectional couch across from me to watch TV, she lifted her feet up on the couch and, opened her legs giving me a unobstructed view of her… well you know. I was aroused the entire time we watched TV, and I was quite sure my mother took notice, but was nice enough not to say anything to me to prevent any embarrassment.
That night she wound up at my bedside in tears about being widowed, and how she missed sex. In a fit of sobbing, she asked me if I would have sex with her. I didn’t feel pressured, or coerced by her proposal. I said yes, because I loved her dearly, and her well being was of concern to me. […] We ended up having sex frequently for the remainder of my visit, and in that time she confessed she loved me as a son, but was in love with the man I had become.
I ended up moving home a week later, and for nearly five years we lived as a couple under the guise of a son living with his mother. It took an extraordinary set of circumstances to bring my mother and I together, and for the last 15 years I have been a son, a lover, a pseudo husband, and a friend to the love of my life, my mother.
Love you mom!
[…] During the first 6 months we were together, shortly after my stepfather’s death my mother found out she was pregnant […]. I won’t lie and tell you we were overjoyed at the news initially. My mother was scared about anyone finding out I was the father, and she was concerned about the health of our child as well.
During her second month, my mother and I decided on a story to stick with about her having a one night stand, and discussed how it would be better if our child knew me as her brother. We talked often about what we were going to do in different scenarios, and we became less worried, and more excited about the life we had created from our love.
Just after three months, my mother ended up having a miscarriage. As relieved as we were about having a child, my mother and I had become used to the idea of having a child and we mourned our loss together. In the many months that followed, my mother seemed determined to conceive again, but the beginning stages of menopause prevented us from trying for a baby.
Although the pregnancy failed, it brought my mother and I closer together as a couple, and we continued on living as such for some years before we decided to live apart to avoid any suspicions. We are both married as of now, but over the years we have found ourselves drawn back to each other again.
As of [late], my mother’s marriage is failing due to my step father’s erectile dysfunction, and his increasingly mean behavior. Just two weeks ago, my mother informed me she was coming to town, and that she needed to talk to me. Turns out her and my step father are divorcing soon, and she wanted me to be the man in her life again.
We spent nearly all day in her room making love, and she admitted to me she wanted us to be together again. I admit I love my wife, but what my mother and I have is beyond your typical love.
[…] Some years ago my mother and I made the decision it was best we date other people to keep my youngest sister from suspecting something was going on between us. When we moved to a new state [over a decade] ago, and we were moving into a new home, my mother, my youngest sister, and I had to share an apartment for a short time.
We didn’t have time to unpack our beds the day we moved into the apartment so we used two sleeping bags as beds our first night there. There was only two bedrooms, and my mother suggested my sister and I use the sleeping bag as a mattress, with sheets for covers. My sister objected to sharing bed space with me, so my mother suggested I share a sleeping bag with her that night instead. As you can imagine, my mother and I certainly didn’t mind sharing a bed.
That night when we were certain my sister was asleep my mother and I decided if we were [quiet] we could get away with having sex. […] [A]fter we finished there was a sudden knock at my mother’s bedroom door. I never forget how we just froze with my mother still on top of me as we panicked to cover ourselves.
I quickly pulled the sheets over me and feigned sleeping, while my mother put on a t-shirt and told my sister, “Just a minute”. My heart was pounding in my chest as my mother cracked her bedroom door and asked my sister what she wanted. […] My mother spoke with my sister for a short time, and when she closed the door I could see the fear in her eyes.
We didn’t get caught, but my sister sensed something was amiss for sure, because the next day she kept giving me and my mother weird looks. I asked her, when I got paranoid, what was the matter, but she never said […] if she suspected something. About a year later after we had moved into her home we decided to see other people to shake my sister’s suspicions.
Figured I’d share how things changed between my mother and I since we are both married now, but recently my mother and I met, and we have discussed being together again due to her marriage failing.
[…] I have considered talking to my sister to find out if she knows or even suspects what going on with Mom and [me], but my mother feels if she hasn’t said anything by now, best let sleeping dogs lay.
When I think back on that night I know my mother and I did our very best to be quiet, but there [were] a few moments when the passion became pretty intense from the thrill we got from having sex with my sister in the house. It was a very risky thing to do, but after moving all day and with my sister around as often as she was, we just couldn’t resist. […]
As I told you recently with my mother’s pending divorce, she has been traveling into town more often until she moves back in the fall. We have been meeting more often for our trysts lately and our need to be together is growing. The love and trust my mother and I have transcends any love I have felt for any other woman. I wish I could find the words to articulate how we feel for each other, but I don’t know if a [word] exists to describe this kind of love. Perhaps that is why I have searched the Internet all these years now trying to find people who can understand what it is to share the kind of love we have all these years.
[…] What my mother and I do behind closed doors is no one’s business and I believe the law has no right to come into my bedroom anymore than they do for homosexual couples.
[…] P.S. You are right, me being married does complicate things, but if my mother and I do decide to take the next step it will be the end of my marriage. If I had to choose between my wife and my mother the decision would go to my mother. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my wife, and it would break her heart, but I don’t know if my mother and I can go on denying the fact we were made for each other. I guess we’ll see how things pan out over the coming months.
[…] Your right, it is a shame my mother and I have to live a lie to be together the way we want to for now. We love each other dearly and we put on Oscar award winning performances around family. I think the only thing that could give us away possibly is the way we look at each other sometimes; it feels like it’s obvious we’re in love, but it’s just my own paranoia.
We’re just not sure how my siblings would handle knowing [M]om and I have been ardent lovers for 16 years this coming December. My mother and I both agree that they wouldn’t need to know about her losing the pregnancy all those years ago.
[…] I can’t describe the excitement I feel inside when we kiss after months of not being together. The look in her eyes as we make love is beyond any words I can find to describe it. She is truly the love of my life. We know we could never be together the way we want, but we feel fortunate to have each other as often as we can.
A woman (whose interview is linked on this page), in responding to the conversation I published, had this to say about her experience in dealing with family members’ reactions to her spousal-style relationship with her genetic brother…
This is just from my experience. But our mum for over a year hinted she knew about me and my brother…At one point she got into a conversation with me about an article she’d read about GSA and that she totally understood it. We still denied it. Then, one day, she phoned my brother and asked outright. Said she would understand and support us.
That was nearly two years ago. She hasn’t spoken to us since.
She told other family members we were disgusting. Her loss. Didn’t have her in my life for [decades] so no loss for me. But she brought my brother up and it’s him I feel for. Gotta say though, two of my sisters and a brother are totally cool with it. But as they say, they didn’t know me until later in life so they see me more as an in-law.
At the start of my GSA relationship I was so frustrated because I was so happy in love and felt like bursting and shouting from the roof tops “I’m in love!” Experience has taught me to keep quiet and deny. I even had a girl at work come straight out and ask. She said she’d totally understand. But I’ve seen what the truth can do. It would be nice to confide in her, but I just don’t trust.
After the Supreme Court declared Texas’ anti-sodomy law unconstitutional in Lawrence v. Texas, there was substantial speculation about the implications of the decision for other laws targeting consensual sexual activity among adults. If state prohibition on consensual homosexual activity was unconstitutional, some reasoned, then it might be difficult to maintain state prohibitions on incest, at least among consenting adults. Not so, ruled the Ohio Supreme Court earlier this week.
In State v. Lowe, the Ohio Supreme Court considered the constitutionality of the state’s prohibition on incest as applied to consensual sexual relations between a step-father and his adult step-daughter. After first concluding that the statute, by its terms, applied to adults as well as children, a six-justice majority rejected the defendant’s constitutional challenge, concluding that the statutory prohibition passed muster under the rational basis test because the state has a legitimate interest in prohibiting sexual relations between relatives, even those related by law rather than blood.
Lowe cites Lawrence v. Texas to argue that he has a constitutionally protected liberty interest to engage in private, consensual, adult sexual conduct with his stepdaughter when that activity does not involve minors or persons who may be easily injured or coerced. In Lawrence, a Texas statute criminalizing homosexual conduct was held to be unconstitutional as applied to adult males who had engaged in private and consensual acts of sodomy. Lowe contends that Lawrence named a new fundamental right to engage in consensual sex in the privacy of one’s home.
However, the statute in Lawrence was subjected to a rational-basis rather than a strict-scrutiny test, with the court concluding that the Texas statute furthered no legitimate state interest that could justify intrusion into an individual’s personal and private life. In using a rational-basis test to strike down the Texas statute, the court declined to announce a new fundamental right arising from the case.
In addition to emphasizing that the court in using a rational-basis test did not name a new fundamental right, the state in this case distinguishes Lawrence as being limited to consensual sexual conduct between unrelated adults. Lowe and his stepdaughter were not unrelated. The state argues that since Lowe has no fundamental right in this case, and the state has a legitimate interest in prohibiting incestuous relations and in protecting the family unit and family relationships, the rational-basis test should apply. . . .
We agree with the state that a rational-basis test should be used to analyze the statute. Lawrence did not announce a “fundamental” right to all consensual adult sexual activity, let alone consensual sex with one’s adult children or stepchildren. Because Lowe’s claimed liberty interest in sexual activity with his stepdaughter is not a fundamental right, the statute affecting it need only have a reasonable relationship to some legitimate governmental interest. . . .
. . . as applied in this case, [the statute] bears a rational relationship to the legitimate state interest in protecting the family, because it reasonably advances its goal of protection of the family unit from the destructive influence of sexual relationships between parents or stepparents and their children or stepchildren. If Lowe divorced his wife and no longer was a stepparent to his wife’s daughter, the stepparent-stepchild relationship would be dissolved. The statute would no longer apply in that case.
Justice Pfeifer was the lone dissenter. He argued that the true purpose of the statute was to protect children, not prohibit consensual sexual activity between adults who lack any blood relationship. He also speculated that the only interest this application actually serves is providing the state with a “shortcut to conviction,” because the statute provides “a strict-liability, slam-dunk sex offense that does not allow the defendant to present any evidence regarding the consent of the victim.” “This sort of use of the statute demeans its true purpose,” Pfeifer wrote.
Key to the majority’s ruling was its conclusion that Lawrence failed to announce a fundamental right or apply heightened scrutiny, making it easier to sustain other state laws governing consensual sexual activity. This interpretation makes Lawrence a less significant decision as it limits the “threat” Lawrence poses to other state efforts to regulate morality and makes Lawrence a much less effective weapon against the criminalization of victimless crimes.
- [A] Domboshava man and his biological mother are reportedly on the run after having an incestuous relationship that culminated in two pregnancies.
- Serenje incest couple arrested
- Harare Man (21) Marries Blood Sister (19) and Impregnates Her Twice
- Gokwe man impregnates, marries sister
- Mother, 40, is expecting a baby with her fiancé son
- Incest couple appear for mention
- Woman admits to becoming pregnant by her brother after being threatened with a machete
The pair [of siblings] was caught red handed in the act by another family member before they were taken to the police. […] Tendai, 30 and Nyaradzai, 22, of Zengeni family were brought before Mbare Magistrates’ court answering to a charge of having sexual intercourse within a prohibited degree of relationship.
[…] In passing sentence, the Magistrate described the pair as lovers in a serious relationship who had not repented after they were caught red handed in December last year. Their conduct has proved that they can not change thus they need a custodial sentence so that they are separated from each other. Although they came clean and pleaded guilty, the Magistrate slapped them with 24 months imprisonment, 12 months were then suspended conditional they do not commit the same offence in five years.
[…] All hell broke loose when they were caught red handed caressing each other on May 17 at around 10pm. Upon realising that they were under fire from family members, they ran away from the house and began to stay at a friend’s house in Hatfield. In an effort to stop the relationship, the family members followed them and the prohibited love-birds confessed that they were having an affair leading to their arrest.
Another one to add to my list.
This poem was written by a very dear friend, who also happens to be aFriend of Lily [a.k.a. a consanguinamorous person]. Warning, get the tissues, because I tear up just a few lines in.
It has been posted by permission.
OUR SECRET LOVE
I had this wonderful love for the taking,
I tried to ignore it,
but my heart was breaking.
After 38 years he came into my life,
He was everything I wanted, Caring, Loving,
he was my knight in shining armour,
but there was just one thing,
If we went on this journey,
Society would think it was a sin.
We made that leap
as we couldn’t live without each other,
Our love is pure,
it’s totally amazing,
Our souls are joined together,
our love will last forever.
His touch is electrifying,
His kiss sends shivers,
He looks in my eyes,
he can see my soul,
After all these years,
he’s filled my heart that had a hole.
For such a powerful love, so intense,
that causes Goosebumps and seeps in our
This love is not for everyone
so we have to hide it behind closed doors.
It’s because the ignorance of some people,
and the society we fear,
Our love has to be hidden,
and for these people I shed a silent tear,
To be so closed minded and the nasty names
so our love for each other you totally refuse.
Open your eyes,
feel in your heart,
are we really hurting you?
Yet you still want us apart.
GSA is the word we’ve been given,
No, it doesn’t mean we are weirdo’s perverts
and were not asking to be forgiven.
For we have done nothing wrong,
just because our love is so strong.
We [were] torn apart
when we [were] very young
by our Mother,
my secret love,
I fear you all,
we cannot show our true love out there,
because the world can be so cruel.
No we are not ashamed,
but because of society, outside we are tamed.
He takes my hand
and we close our door,
We smile to each other
because within these walls
we can be true lovers.
I love him with all my heart and soul,
and with everything I have,
For our reunion every day
I thank the lord above,
We will always have our secret love…
One of the previous paramount chiefs, Purayasi, was known to have lived with his sister; and another one, Numakala, is also strongly suspected by history of this felony. […] [T]here can be no doubt that with them, as with so many other dynasties and famous rulers, the feeling of power, of being above the law, served as a shield from the usual penalties. And, as historical figures, they and their doing would not so easily lapse into oblivion as in the case of commoners.
– Bronislaw Malinowski
Once again, we see that historically only the powerful were allowed to be in the kinds of relationships they wanted. The common person remained under the thumb of laws and social strictures. The same was true for same-sex marriages in the Roman Empire, where the few cases known are of powerful men (e.g. Emperor Nero). Throughout history, it is the powerful who live free, the powerful who receive justice. Why should that continue?
I am [or, had been] active on [a certain Big Online Portal’s question and answer service], especially when it comes to explaining the importance of relationship rights, full marriage equality, and decriminalizing consanguinamory. Someone hadthis question…Family Tree Concerns..?
My Grandfather recently passed away and my Grandmother told us all that her and my Grandfather were never married, they had always celebrated an anniversary (or so we thought,) but didn’t understand while she waited till he died before telling us. After further research into my family tree I have discovered that my Grandmother married her Uncle (is this incest!?!), my Mother feels all weird because it feels like her life has been a lie and the only person she could have asked and got a proper answer was her Dad but now he’s gone so we are both just looking for some advice or if anyone has been or is going through a similar situation…This was my answer, which was chosen as the best answer (thankyouverymuch)…
Here’s what matters: Was your grandfather a good person? A good spouse to your Grandmother? A good parent? A good grandparent? THAT is what matters, not any genetic or legal relation to your grandmother. There’s no lie about any of that. Your mother’s life is no different now than it was before she knew that information. She’s just allowing cultural prejudices to influence her reaction. Your grandparents had what is called a common-law marriage. As long as they were good to each other, that is what matters.
You didn’t make it clear, but it appears you mean your grandfather was the brother of one of your grandmother’s parents (he would still be an “uncle” to her if he had, at one time, been married to one of your grandmother’s parents’ sister without any biological relation to your grandmother). Assuming there was a genetic connection (though it is possible he had been adopted into the family, too), that is still no reason for alarm. This is much more common than people think. People are finding out about this through DNA testing and family records, although family records don’t always reveal the truth. If you go back further, it is virtually guaranteed you’ll find you have consanguineous ancestors.
You don’t have to go too far back in anyone’s family tree to find these kinds of things. I doubt there is a person out there whose ancestry has nothing like this.
In other words…. you and your family are as normal as everyone else.
Just about everyone has incestuous childbearing in their family tree. In some cases, someone was raped, which of course is a horrible [crime], or there was cheating. In other cases, it was true love between people who were not cheating on anyone. If the law prevented them from legally marrying or from telling the truth, that is a problem, a terrible problem, of the law, and just one of many reasons we need full marriage equality. It is not something wrong with the lovers.
[…] [I]mage how Valerie Spruill felt when she discovered that her husband and her father are the same person. […] Now retired, she worked for 34 years in the accounting department at Goodyear. She has three kids and eight grandkids.
[…] The man in question, Percy Spruill, died in April 1998 at the age of 60. Born in Mississippi, he worked in Akron as a truck driver and, later, as a parking-lot attendant at Morley Health Center.[…] He and Valerie’s mother hooked up when he was only 15. […] Although Valerie says she is not 100 percent certain he knew, because he never talked about it, she strongly believes he was aware of the taboo he had committed but was simply afraid to tell her.
It can happen to you. If you support laws against consensual sex with a relative, then those laws might be used against you one day.
My parents are first cousins. My dad’s parents were first cousins. […] When the family began moving to the States, they came to discover that most Americans find (or some pretend to find) cousin [marriage] nasty, so nobody spoke about the relationships to anyone. Well, except one of piece of shit cousins and his bitch mom, who was my dad’s youngest sister.
My cousin would publicly mock my brother and I about our parents being cousins because he thought himself to be a special snowflake since his mom and dad weren’t related. His mom also would publicly ask my brother and I stupid questions, like “Why don’t you guys call your dad ‘Uncle Dad’ and your mom ‘Aunt Mom’?”
In 2012, my cousin ended up marrying his own first cousin! lol I haven’t spoken to him or his family since 2010, but I always want to just hit them up and be like, “Hey, auntie, why don’t you call your son’s wife ‘Daughter-in-Law Niece’?” If I ever see them in public, I’m going to make it an embarrassing encounter just like they’d do to my brother and I when we were kids. Let’s see how they handle strangers close by looking at them and judging them.
[…] On the Puerto Rican side of my family, my [great great] Grandparents were siblings. It’s the only known incest and no genetic disorders expressed in my generation. My [great great] grandfather did have an uncle who had a “blue child” (like as in the kid was blue. Not sure how much to believe it but they insist it’s true. Sadly, no color photos in the 1800s) and his brother had extra fingers. But aside from them, no weird genetics.
Unless his great grandfather is the product of consanguinamory too, that information about his great great granduncle is totally irrelevant. That’s not how genetics works.
I was looking at that family line, and twice a woman saw her own daughter marry her brother. Yeesh.
How naive people are, to think it couldn’t be in their own family.
My daughter was diagnosed at age 18 with mosaic turners syndrome. She has no physical features like webbed hands or feet, but after the doctor told us that, I recalled that my grandfather’s sister had webbed feet and hands. She never had children either. So did a little genealogy search, did not have to go back far on that side of my family to find a great – many times back – grandfather who widowed, then wait, what..? wasn’t she his sister? You can’t marry your sister…Yep.
Once again, consanguinity that far back in a family tree has no bearing on modern generations’ health. It’s negative effects come from receiving two copies of certain genes, one from each parent. Different negative side-effects can continue perhaps one generation beyond, through the mother, if the mother gained reproductive disorders.
Child of incest here. My dad was my mom’s uncle. They met at a family reunion for extra points lol. Haven’t really noticed much on my end. No major issues like physical deformities or anything. Mental issues (bipolarism, depression, etc) tend to run in my family, so I deal with some of that. Depression mostly, and occasional hallucinations. Not sure if that’s been made worse by the fact that my parents were related or not.
[…] My great grandparents were first cousins AND step siblings. I was shocked when I found out but it seems it was pretty common in small European villages at the time. I don’t inherited any genetic disorders from that side of the family, but my father is color blind so I might pass that to my hypothetical children.
No he won’t. Color-blindness is carried by the X chromosome. Whether your son gets it or not has nothing to do with how closely related your spouse is to you. He gets it from his mother.
My family history on my mother’s side has always been something of a blip in our otherwise ‘normal’ family. My grandmother was a product of incest, her mother and father also being siblings. It came out during my great-grandmother’s pregnancy that this baby was the result of incest […]. Obviously, my family was not okay with that in the slightest and so my grandmother was raised in a very toxic environment and the effect this had on her was enormous.
[…] [My] great-grandparents […] definitely did not end up together. My grandmother was brought up by her grandparents (my great-great grandparents) as the incestuous siblings were quite young when this happened, around early 20s. My great-grandmother got married, had two more healthy children and (to my knowledge) never told her husband about her other child. My great-grandfather is more of a mystery, I’m only aware that he moved very far north and had nothing much more to do with the family.
[…] I wish I could tell you more, but my mother only told me the basics just so I knew about it and she refuses to talk about it in any more detail as she is quite ashamed of it. If you need anything clearing up, don’t hesitate to ask!
The thread is absolutely swamped with tales of distant cousin-couple ancestry. The American taboo against cousin sex and marriage is ridiculous. We’re one of the few countries that harbors such beliefs. Past 1st-cousins, the probability of genetic defects is no higher than the general population. In fact, 3rd and 4th cousins are less likely to have kids with defects. Why is this even still an issue? The American obsession with condemning cousin-couples is bizarre.
Tammie C. Bouslaugh, 40, of St. George, was arrested on a Riley County warrant for incest and remained confined on a $3000 bond. Bouslaugh allegedly falsified documents in order to permit her to marry a family member. This case remains under investigation and no further details are being released at this time.
I always wonder how many little reports such as these slip through the cracks. I wonder how many such cases could be found, diving through local papers from the 1960s. What are the actual arrest statistics on consanguinamory? I know that official statistics don’t make any kind of distinction. How many people are rotting in jail right now, for a case from 1980? From 1970? What kind of experience do these people have in jail, once everyone knows why they’re there?
I know for a fact that many more couples have forged illegal identities, or relied on badly informed documentation, to get their marriage officiated. Some of them are even on Tumblr. Frequently couples just seem to disappear into the system. There may be more evidence out there than we realize. All of the stuff I’ve found so far has been from the past 10 years of the internet. That’s not a lot of time.