23rd Jan 2015

BabyCenter Discussion on Consanguinamory

Full Marriage Equality found a thread on BabyCenter:

[The original poster] starts it by talking about a father-daughter couple.

I know a couple who are living together, and I tried not to judge but this just makes me sick. They are father and daughter living together and have two kids. How could this happen? how can they explain their kids that their dad is their dad and Grandpa?? I know its not of my business which is why I never and would never said anything to them. (they are family of my ex sister in-law) but they still go visit my brother. Not to start a debate but I am curious what do you ladies think about Incest? is it even legal?

The comments made me choke up in horror. Somehow, the unsympathetic hate that comes out in response to things like this still disturbs me. I felt a pang of fear that the person posting would be encouraged by the responses to actually report that couple to the police. I wonder how many consanguinamorous couples remain out of jail only because their “friends” and “family” don’t know that it’s against the law? That makes me so goddamn angry! It’s so overwhelming… Why can’t people just leave them the hell alone?!

“It is very much illegal.

“That is gut wrenching. They should both be jailed. How old are these two and how old are the kids?”

“You should be judging. wtf that’s repulsive. And yes illegal they should both be in jail, the children deserve to be with parents who are mentally stable.”

“Report them please”

“This is illegal, I’m pretty sure everywhere. Genetically speaking, this is dangerous for their children. If you know if they are on antn social services… Please contact those agencies, whether it’s wic or welfare or whatever. They can launch an investigation and pursuit things and get the kids out of that messed up situation.

“Is there a chance there is a loophole? Maybe they aren’t biologically related? This makes my stomach churn.”

So I went deeper into the comments, and this thread is a mess.
It sounds like a case of GSA:

[His ex-wife] lives in another country. They were not together anymore I think. He was living here and then her daughter decided to move here with her dad. They story is..they did not spend to much time together as father and daughter. They have years that they did not see each other.. so when she came here she move in with her dad and brother. They starting acting weird.. like sleeping In the same room and things like that.. when they got confronted they denied but a few months later she got pregnant.. thats when they admitted they were sleeping together. Since she did not have a boyfriend or others guys around who else could it be?? So they end up admitting everything.. move out to live on their own..

They’re mixing up consensual and non-consensual relationships, and also trashing step-relative romance:

I’m with you. I feel bad for the daughter too. Somewhere she was “taught” that this is normal. Oooor she has some type of mental condition seeing how supposedly they reconnect years later. Definitely feel bad for her and the kids. I do think that some type of child molestation happened with the daughter when she was younger.

That’s nasty and illegal. I know a guy who went to prison for marrying his gf who he had been with for years. Well before they got married her mom and his dad got together and got married. Cops said it was incest and he got arrested. So those people should definitely be in jail!

The OP indicates that some guy used his knowledge of the relationship to blackmail his girlfriend into staying with him:

The other problem is that the guy that my exsister in law is dating.. He knows about this and when my [sister-in-law] tried to leave him.. this guy started black mailing her. Saying if she leaves him.. he will go to the police and report them. She is scared because its her family (uncle & cousin) . So she went back with him.. we all know all this because her mom and my mom are friends. So they talk and hang out sometimes.

The ignorance is astounding:

Where are you people living that you actually know of incest in real life??? It’s unheard of here in NY, obviously it must happen, but only in abusive situations behind closed doors.

[…] Not many […] adults would meet their father for the first time in a long time and say “hey dad let’s have sex, let’s have babies!”

Actually, many would. As much as 50% of reunited family experience sexual feelings to some degree for at least one family member. Because growing up with someone or raising them is the only way for you to develop a natural inhibition against any possible attraction, GSA is the one type of “incestuous attraction” that literally every human being is capable of feeling. People who’ve never experienced it love to be all “holier than thou”, but every case of GSA has taken those involved by surprise. They never thought it was possible, just like these commenters, but it was possible.

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An Aunt and Nephew Ponder Coming Out

From Full Marriage Equality:

I have being in love with my nephew since I can remember. I am 39 years of age and he is 41. His dad and I are half brother and sister same dad different mom.

when we were teens my parents sent me to spent the summer at his house. That summer we fell in love. but we continue with our separate lives I got married so did he. over the years we kept in contact and saw each other when ever we could. He is my best friend my soulmate. we are still very much in love but we decided to never say or tell our families. they would never understand our bond.

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my soul mate is also related to me in a similar way. one of his parents is my half sibling but we didnt grow up together, we fell in love as adults. we were in relationships where we were not happy so we left them and now we are the happiest we’ve ever been. though we do not tell our families, they can only speculate… there is no way to tell people, they would never understand. but we love each other so much we will go through anything.

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I am an aunt that was born much later than my siblings, and I have a nephew close to my age. I’m 22 and my nephew is 20, and he’s the son of my half-brother [which would make him her half-nephew, so he is actually as closely related at a 1st cousin].

My nephew and I have spent most of our lives together since we were toddlers, and we’re best friends. As we were growing up, I started to develop feelings for him, but I was in denial. No one in our family has been in a similar situation, and I don’t know anyone that’s approving of this type of relationship. I was always in denial about my feelings and found excuses to explain it away until about a year ago, when I finally took some time to seriously think about it. And I realized, no matter how strange it is, I do in fact love him. And I can honestly say, looking back now, that even as young as between 10 to 13 years old, I had a childish crush on him, and in reality, I’ve always liked him a little.

But unlike all the other aunts and nephews in love on this page, despite the fact I’ve been sure of my feelings about a year now, I haven’t even told my nephew about my feelings, and haven’t told anyone else either. I’m afraid to tell him, and I’m sure that even if he had feelings for me, too, he would also be afraid.

This is the only site I have found that has had any support for an aunt/ nephew relationship, after digging through pages of search results. The only other results I can find are stupid things about aunts/ nephews seducing each other, or the occasional link to questions at the “ask yahoo” site.

The only other site I’ve been able to find that’s about love relationships with family members is “Cousin Couples”, which is a site for cousins that are in a relationship. I recently posted on there looking for someone to discuss this with. So far, only one person has replied to me. Though they were understanding, they said that despite us being close in age, aunts and nephews being together was different from cousins being together, and that basically, I should try to let go of my feelings for him, and not do anything unless my nephew makes it apparent that he has feelings for me first. Which again, I’m sure he’d be afraid, maybe more afraid than me.

I want to note that I do NOT want to have kids with him if only for how weird it would be for the child. I am NOT just some sex addict horn dog that would take anyone I could get. I do NOT just like him for some stupid reason, like what he looks like. He is my best friend, and I genuinely love him, and I love him for who he is. I love him more than I’ve ever loved another person.

I can’t help it if the one person I love was born related to me. And I can’t help that he couldn’t at least be born as my cousin. And why is this any worse than cousins being together? Just because it’s through my dad, then brother, instead of dad, then uncle. I can’t say that it would work out, or if he even has feelings for me. But why should I have to be afraid to even take the chance?

I know this is a really weird situation, but it feels really messed up to me that I have to be afraid of even telling him my feelings.

There is absolutely nowhere to turn. I would really appreciate it if there was even one person that could be supportive, anybody, help!


 

A woman struggling with shame and ridicule

From Full Marriage Equality’s comments:

im currently struggling in GSA.. my nephew and i are in the same age. we grew up separately because my brother and his mom were separated.. since we were a kid, i knew i was attracted to him.. im happy when he is around but i dont talked to him much because im afraid he might notice that im attracted to him..

we were in highscool when he had his summer with us.. we were both grown ups, and there goes my feelings again.. i thought i would just ignore him again.. but he seems so interested talking to me.. he even got my number and we talked to each other as much as possible.. it was then when he admitted that he loves me and so i also admitted to him that i feel the same.. but im so afraid that my family might know about us so i stop talking to him which makes him sad and avoided me eventually.

i decided to share it with my sister to seek advice.. but she didnt understands me and worst she told everyone in the family about that..i was merely moved on.. i had a family of my own and have a child at my young age, but we separated in just few months and raise my child alone. i thought i would never ever fall for anyone again.. until he came back, my nephew..

my heart was filled with happiness when i saw him again.. he stayed for three weeks for vacation and we were un separable, we got every chances we had to show how much we mean to each other.. we were like a couple..my family warned me so we did it discreetly.. and when he was about to leave he told me that he is living with a girl and it almost breaks me.. all our sweet memories were replaced by sadness.. and he felt bad about that.. but he wants me to go with him and he will leave his girl..

but i cant, i cant leave my one year old son.. and im afraid.. we might lose our family, and there is no turning back if we will do that.. but i cant bear the thought of him sleeping with a girl.. please help me i need advice, how can i make this relationship successful…