Although it’s a rather sad fact of life, a lot of people do not accept our sexuality as something that’s acceptable, and this can negatively impact our lives in a number of ways. That said, there are plenty of things we can do to help ourselves stay happier in a world that feels more like a minefield than a welcoming place.
AVOID HATERS – If you see an article that is likely to contain incestophobic bigotry, and you feel that you can’t handle it right now and you’re likely to be upset by what it contains, you don’t have to read it. Remember that although even idiots are allowed to have their say, it should not stop you from living and enjoying your truth to the fullest. If you’re already feeling down and hated upon, you don’t need to read more stuff that is going to reinforce that in your mind, what you do need is to build yourself up. Remember, their hate is not your problem, it is their problem, and people who hate on others in this way don’t know what they are talking about anyway.
HAVE HOLIDAYS IN OR MOVE TO CONSANG FRIENDLY COUNTRIES/PLACES WHERE NOBODY KNOWS YOU – I know, not everyone can afford it, but for those of you who can, go someplace for a week where your relationship is legal. Such short breaks away can recharge your batteries and give you the time as a couple to be yourselves without fear. If you can’t afford a trip abroad then even taking a trip to a place where nobody knows you will have the same rejuvenating effect. Having to watch your step all of the time can be exhausting, so these breaks every now and then are necessary for your mental health.
If you’re really struggling with this particular issue, then there is always the option of permanent relocation. You could, for instance, get a job there and use the job as a reason for the move. That way nobody is any the wiser, and you minimize the risk of being caught while allowing yourselves more freedom to actually be who you are.
BE KIND TO YOURSELVES – Never berate yourself or wish you were somebody or something different, instead find ways to truly celebrate your consang identity. You may not have chosen your sexuality, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be a negative thing in your life or something you wish would go away… it won’t. Love is love, and love is beautiful regardless of which form it takes. Consanguinamory is love on so many levels, allow yourself to be filled with love, and never fear to express it to your other half. Remember, different does not mean bad, it simply means ‘not the same as’.
GET SUPPORT ONLINE – Nobody should have to face all of the issues consang people face all by themselves, it’s a big bad world out there. One of the best things you can do for yourselves, whether you’re just starting out or have been together for years, is to join our forum Kindred Spirits. Just having a group of caring nonjudgmental people who are in the same boat as you, and who will understand you can make the world of difference. Whether it be to celebrate something great in your lives, or a shoulder to cry on in times of need. We all need such support from time to time and there is no place better than KS.
MINIMIZE YOUR RISK OF GETTING CAUGHT – I know it’s a pain, we can’t even hold hands in public for fear of getting found out and jailed. But establishing a few basic ground rules for your security is essential, basics like not flirting in public or sending each other sexual messages will help keep your nosey friends and neighbors in blissful ignorance. Check out my Ten rules to keeping your relationship a secret for more tips. Just observing such rules can make you feel more secure, and will have a positive effect on your state of wellbeing because you will feel less anxious.
MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER – This may sound obvious, and it’s essential for people in all types of relationship, but make sure you spend enough good quality time together where you can discuss things and resolve or iron our any issues you may be having. By this I mean TALKING, sitting together and watching a movie is a great and enjoyable thing to do, but it’s not what I mean here. Good communication and emotional intimacy is the basis for all healthy relationships, and it’s the same for consang people too. So take the time to enjoy each others company and appreciate each other fully, so that you’re both fullfilled emotionally, intellectually, sexually and spiritually. Also make sure that your work/life balance is in check (like not doing too much overtime unless you really need the extra money) and that you’re not doing opposite shifts unless this is strictly necessary (such as for the purposes of looking after the kids for instance), things like that can make a huge difference in how much quality time you are able to get. But for those of you who cannot manage a lot of time, just make the most of whatever time you do get.
TO SUM UP
There is a lot you can do to increase your own happiness as a consang person, you don’t have to feel like the victim of society or carry a chip on your shoulder. Surround yourself online with others who are the same as you and recognize your normality. We all deserve to love ourselves and be happy in love, we’re no exception to this rule. In short, we can enjoy our lives even through all the adversity we face, there is no reason why not. Actually, being happy and confident in ourselves is the ultimate fuck you to our haters, be bold, be YOU.