Many times, especially when dealing with others on the internet (although the same can apply offline too, of course), there is the temptation to try to justify our relationships. Don’t get me wrong, if somebody is asking a genuine question where the intent is to learn, then they deserve an honest answer and one should be provided. However, sometimes people get into debated about the rights and wrongs of relationships that do not follow the societal norms, and that of course includes incest. So people sometimes feel backed up into a corner, feeling as though they need to justify their feelings in order to shore up their validity.
My message today is that you DON’T have to justify your feelings or relationship to anyone. You have as much right to love and happiness as anyone else, and it’s NOT a sin to deviate from the crowd. People enter into mutual relationships because they love each other, to share time and experiences with each other, they raise families, buy or rent homes and do all the regular stuff that people do with their lives. That applies universally, whether you’re straight or gay, monogamous or polyamorous, regular or consanguinamorous.
People would not ask their friend to justify why she is dating a guy from her workplace, or a guy they know from the bar to justify his relationship with his best friend since high school, they wouldn’t ask a homosexual to justify his or her orientation either. So why suddenly, when it comes to incest or polyamory, do people all of a sudden require such justification? It makes no sense.
Love justifies itself, and it knows no artificial barriers. People do of course have a free choice on whether to act on such feelings or not, and it would be short-sighted and stupid to claim that people have no autonomy on who they enter into relationships with… clearly they do. Everyone is responsible for their own lives. But the CHOICE of an unconventional relationship that is based in love never needs justification, it needs acceptance (or at the very least tolerance).
Consider this: every time we try to justify our choices, we are giving in to our opponents claim that our love needs such justification. It doesn’t. Consanguinamory is just as valid as any other type of relationship between consenting adults. So each time we get into a debate with a naysayer, it would be a great idea to say ‘if your relationship needs no justification, then neither does mine’. At best it will get the other person to stop and think, and at worst it could send the other person on a rant, either way, some of the spectators will stop and think. There are plenty of debate tactics to use that do not rely on self-justification.
All in all, just know that you’re not obliged to explain yourself to anyone, and why should you?