What NOT to say to consanguinamorous people

This is a list of the most common, but ill thought out things that people say to consanguinamorous people, both on the Internet and off it. These things are based on inaccurate assumptions and misunderstandings, some are even well intentioned but misguided attempts at ‘help’, one or two are even amusing for all the wrong reasons. This list is mostly for the benefit of ill-informed regulars, but I’m sure that my consang readers will find a chuckle or two in here.

Got any [pornographic] pics/vids [of you and your relative together] you could send me?

This one is a wholly online problem, usually these requests are made by fetishists who get off on ‘incest porn’ on the Internet. Now, lets take a big step back and take a look at this sensibly. Who would be holding the camera/camcorder? Why, knowing that such stuff could be used as evidence in court if it was discovered, would somebody make home made incest porn? Even if somebody was to make it (as unlikely as that is), WHY would we want to send it to some random stranger on the Internet for them to masturbate over? We wouldn’t… the very question itself is stupid.

As for the ‘incest porn’ online, those people are ACTORS. They aren’t really related at all, and some of the porn stars make disclaimers before the sex scenes to explain that. Nobody in a normal, loving consanguinamorous relationship is going to appear in these videos.Our love goes far deeper than sex anyway.

Do you find it difficult to get dates? You should sign up for a dating website, there is plenty of fish in the sea and there is bound to be somebody for you.

This could be said either online or offline, but the underlying assumption is that we have resorted to incest because we can’t find anyone else. This is completely untrue for the overwhelming majority, in fact I’ve yet to find a single person this applies to over my years online. People who are in a consanguinamorous relationship and are happy just have no interest in dating regulars. Why would we if we’re in happy relationships?

Furthermore, even when we’re single, we may or may not be open to pursuing relationships with regulars. Some of us can and do go both ways and are able to have happy and fulfilling relationships with regulars. Some of us have tried it and found it wasn’t for them because it felt empty (I’m in this category). Others find the very idea a bit icky without the intense double love being there. We’re a diverse group and there is no reason for it to be assumed that we’re all open to regular relationships, some of us aren’t.

Doesn’t that feel really AWKWARD?

Most people would find the idea of having a relationship with a family member extremely awkward and gross. That’s because most people have a functioning Westermarck Effect, whereby growing up in proximity to family members causes reverse sexual imprinting to take place, thereby rendering them unattractive to you. So of course for a regular, it WOULD be awkward.

However, sometimes the Westermarck Effect is absent for people. In the case of Genetic Sexual Attraction, a person does not grow up around his or her genetic relatives, therefore the Westermarck Effect has no opportunity to develop. So when he or she meets those relatives as an adult, they may or may not be attracted to each other. People who experience GSA are often Westermarck Effected for their adopted relatives.

Non-GSA consanguinamorous folk just don’t develop a strong Westermarck effect like the majority of the population. We have no idea why this happens, just that it does, and that this group of people are just as likely to be attracted to a family member as they are to somebody else, sometimes even more so.

So all in all, while incest might feel awkward for you, doesn’t mean it is for us, far from it.

I’m cool with your relationship, whatever floats your boat…. but, you are on the pill, aren’t you?

This is a piece of well intentioned advice that a regular might say. This is basically a more tolerant variation of the mutant babies argument that separates sex from reproduction, accepting that consanguinamorous people are entitled to their relationships, but denying that they should procreate based on the fact that there is a higher chance of genetic problems. Many assume that the risk is much higher than it actually is. The actual risk is about 9% for immediate family, barely higher than for women over 40, and actually LOWER than for many people with existing genetic problems. Now, you wouldn’t go asking those people if they’re taking contraceptives, would you?

Consanguinamorous people are well aware of the risks, many of us choose not to have children with relatives for this very reason. But this should be a personal choice down to the individuals involved, not for society to dictate. I realize that this is a well intentioned comment, but it is also rather overbearing.

I think you should see a doctor, there MUST be something wrong with you if you find a family member attractive. It’s not healthy

Why must there be something wrong? If the couple are happy together, then what’s the problem? These relationships can be as beautiful, as healthy and as stable as any other.

This kind of comment is normally made by people who are grossed out at the idea and think that there is some underlying mental condition…. but the reality is that there is no condition to find. We’re fine as we are thanks, we don’t need fixing and we don’t need help. We’re not broken, we’re just different, that’s all. As mentioned earlier, not everyone experiences Westermarck Effect.

Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE that you’re not being abused or taken advantage of?

Some well meaning regulars may come out with this one because they have spent their lives being programmed into believing that all incest is abusive. The culprit of this programming is the News… whenever incest is mentioned it is usually in the context of rape or childhood sexual abuse, and even when CONSENSUAL incest is in the news, abuse cases are brought up alongside it and thus falsely associating the two. This leaves many regulars with the distinct impression that all incest is abuse, when that is far from true.

Consider this: What advantages are there currently for consanguinamorous couples coming out? They face hostility and hate, public humiliation, not to mention a jail sentence in many countries. THAT is why you usually don’t hear about it.

I would wager that MOST INCEST IS BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS, and that it’s much more common than people realize. We’re there, we’re just hidden from view. Fortunately, the Internet is giving us a platform to speak out and be heard.

I’m into incest too… any chance I could get a date with any incest singles/couples?

Honestly, if I had a quid for every time I’d heard that question, I’d be a rich woman by now. This is normally the kind of thing a fetishist asks. Consanguinamory is not a fetish, it’s not what we’re INTO, it’s what we ARE… in the same way a gay person is gay and a straight person is straight. If we are consanguinamorous, we may or may not be open to dating regulars (as pointed out above), even if those regulars are ‘into incest’ as they say. Incest relationships in real life is NOT the same as role play and fantasies.

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