Ignoring your feelings does not make them go away

Sometimes, because of the guilt and shame associated with incest, people who have these feelings towards a family member try to repress them. The aim is to bury it so deep that it no longer bugs them, and even to deny to oneself that those feelings even exist. I can understand why people do this, but it is hardly a healthy way to deal with it.

Bottled up feelings have a way of coming out in the end. For example, somebody might be repressing anger at a another person, and eventually the anger ‘bank’ is so full that it can hold no more. Of course, in the case of repressed anger, it can come out as an explosive temper where the person says a bunch of hateful things that he or she later regrets. Anger can also be expressed as physical symptoms in the body if still left unexpressed and undealt with, like tension headaches and general aches and pains.

Repressed feelings towards anyone, including family members is similarly unhealthy. It could potentially cause any number of problems, such as being unable to bond fully with others in relationships and wondering why not, or random feelings of self-disgust, or vivid sexual fantasies depicting the very thing that is being repressed.

Anyone in such a situation should realize a few important things. Simply having a feeling, thought or fantasy does not harm anyone, how could it? Thinking about something and actually doing it are two very different things. You could for instance have a fantasy about skydiving, but that is NOT the same thing as getting up in an airplane and jumping off it hundreds of feet in the air with only a parachute between you and certain death. Same with incest fantasies, thinking about it and imagining it is not the same as entering into such a relationship in real life. Therefore there is no good reason to feel guilty about feelings or fantasies.

Sometimes people are afraid to explore their feelings because they fear that it will lead them to doing something that they regret, or lead them to a truth that they aren’t yet ready to accept. Some may even fear loss of control, that somehow exploring their feelings will necessarily lead to those feelings being acted upon. This is another type of fantasy in which worst case scenario scenes are played out in the mind, producing anxiety and fear and causing the person to feel that it is imperative that they do not allow themselves to feel the way that they do.

Feelings are not a thing to fear, they are a message for us. People who are dealing with unwanted consanguinamorous feelings would be far better learning about the subject in an objective way, and then deciding for themselves whether such a lifestyle is potentially for them or not (and even then it would only be the case if the other person was interested anyway). Just accepting and feeling comfortable with your feelings can help you to understand yourself better, such an action could cause a reduction in the intensity of the feelings because they have been acknowledged rather than rejected.


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