I realize that this is a sensitive issue, and nobody really likes to think about the possibility of breaking up with their partner… but it can and does happen within consanguinamory as well as any other kind of relationship.
I had an e-mail today from a person who wishes to remain anonymous, s/he asked me the following:
I follow FME and heard about your blog. I’d like to suggest a topic for discussion. When consanguinamorous relations go bad. What happens when a father and daughter meet in a GSA relationship, separated by adoption for 30 years, falling genuinely in love and engage in a fully satisfying relationship…. for a period of time? The word got out and other family members pressured one to have second thoughts and take legal action against the other. The aftermath destroyed many innocent bystanders. These things happen and I know of more than one…
First of all I would like to thank this person for getting in touch and raising this issue, because it is of importance and relevance for many people.
This is a pretty obvious case of well meaning family members assuming abuse where there isn’t any. This is sadly the way that people react to consanguinamory whether initiated by GSA or not, and they react that way because they have absorbed the societal perception that we are perverts and that there is something wrong with us and our relationships. Some people may be open to changing their attitudes, but it is often the case that they may be too closed minded and weirded out to see the wood for the trees.
Here it isn’t the relationship that was at fault, it was other peoples interference and ignorance of the issues involved. If this is the case for you, then I am truly sorry to hear this has happened. This is why it is so important for those of us who have experienced consanguinamory to speak out and gradually these attitudes will change to one of acceptance and tolerance.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with two consenting adults sharing in a romantic relationship, even if they are closely related. People who believe otherwise are simply ignorant of the issues, and more than that, they also believe that ‘freedom’ and ‘equality’ are for people who stick to societal norms. Yet how can that be defined as ‘freedom’ and ‘equality’? It isn’t. True equality is equality for EVERYONE, any and all consenting adults, not just those who follow the majority approved version of life.
With regards to relationship breakdown in a situation like this, it is heartbreaking to hear that their own family members rip them apart and involve the law. How can that be healthy or functional for a family unit in general? It can’t be!
Consanguinamorous relationships can also end for other reasons too. They can end when one or both parties are feeling guilty about their relationship, not difficult to see how when one has to hide it from everyone. Of course, they can also end because of all of the reasons people in any other relationship may break up, these reasons include cheating, falling out of love, growing apart, lack of communication… etc.
There is no absolute rule on why or how people break up, life happens. Sometimes a relationship may end in a good way and the participants go on to remain good friends and the family bond is left intact (this applies to myself… I was in a non-GSA relationship with my dad and we’re still good friends). This is often the case when guilt and shame are the reasons for the breakup rather than what either of the parties has done, or had done to them by others who found out.
I would urge any non-consanguinamorous persons reading my blog NOT to do what this person who contacted me has described. It’s unfair, it’s unjust, and it is just plain wrong. If you’ve discovered this is happening within your own family, please read this article I put up a short time ago.